- Max Lopez: I want to play video games, but Grandma's still asleep on the couch.
- Angie Lopez: It's 3 o' clock, why didn't you tell her to get up?
- Max Lopez: I did, but she's not moving.
- Angie Lopez: Oh my God, what if she isn't asleep? What if she's...
- George Lopez: I'll get the champagne!
- Angie Lopez: George! The kids.
- George Lopez: They can have some too!
- George Lopez: [finding Benny unresponsive on the couch] Mom?
- Carmen Lopez: Okay, I just took CPR in P.E. We're supposed to pull her tongue out and scoop any vomit out of her airway.
- George Lopez: [looks at Angie] We did all that we could, I'm calling it, time of death, 10 after 3.
- [pulls blanket over Benny]
- Duane 'Dog' Chapman: WHO ARE YOU?
- George Lopez: George Lopez, my mom's the one whose house burnt down.
- Duane 'Dog' Chapman: So YOU'RE the loser son she's always complaining about!
- George Lopez: [to Ernie, proudly] She talks about me!
- George Lopez: Mom, I know in hard times it helps to be surrounded by your loved ones. We ran into some of your friends at the liquor store. Jack, Jim, Johnny, the Captain.
- Ernie: [curls his finger like a hook] Aaarrrrrgh!
- Angie Lopez: [the kids put on a play of Benny's life] How much more is there?
- Carmen Lopez: There's the daughter she gave away, and the time she got gonorrhea.
- George Lopez: [stands up] Okay! Show's over!