George Lopez (TV Series)

George Gets a Pain in the Ash (2005)

George Lopez: George Lopez

Quotes 

• George Lopez : Carmen, you're sixteen. How can you be pregnant?

  Benny : Whoa, deja vu. I remember having this same fight with my dad except he chased me through the neighborhood with a machete. Back then, they let you be parents.

• George Lopez : We thought you were dead, Mom. Your house burned down.

  Benny : That's not funny.

  George Lopez : We're not kidding. The fireman said it started in the bedroom.

• [George and Angie are unable to figure out what to do about Carmen] 

  Angie Lopez : Why don't you blow out your candle and make it your birthday wish?

  [George blows out the candle on the cupcake] 

  Vic Palmero : [rushes out with the phone]  Ernie's on the phone! Your mother's house is on fire!

  Angie Lopez : George!

  George Lopez : I used my wish on Carmen, I swear!

• Angie Lopez : You named the golf balls?

  George Lopez : Yeah. See the letters? C is for Carmen, J is for Jason, and B is for Benny.

  Angie Lopez : Why does this one have an *A* on it?

  George Lopez : Uh, A is for Aaaannnybody.

• George Lopez : I decided I wanted to be called Papi instead of Grandpa. Now do you want to be called Granny or Nana?

  Angie Lopez : I am not a Nana!

  [turns to the side] 

  Angie Lopez : This is not the butt of a Nana!

• Angie Lopez : [Benny reveals she kept all her money in her mattress]  How much did you lose?

  Benny : All of it. After busting my ass at the factory all my life, $53,000 gone.

  George Lopez : How did you get that much in a mattress?

• George Lopez : [about Jason leaving Carmen]  I'll get my clichés ready. 'You were too good for him', 'There are a lot of other fish in the ocean'. This one's my favorite, but you gotta sit down for this one. 'Everything happens for a reason'. You gotta sell that in the eyes. Watch that compassion.

  Max Lopez : 'Everything happens for a reason'? That's what you said when my hamster died!

  George Lopez : What did you want me to say? That Mr. Fluffer starved because a selfish little boy got a skateboard and forgot to feed him?

  [Max looks horrified] 

  George Lopez : Yeah, you wish you had a cliche now, don't you, hamster killer?