- Angie Lopez: [Benny confides in her in a workplace romance] Is it serious?
- Benny: [putting on Angie's beauty product] Would I be asking about this whore paint if it wasn't serious?
- Angie Lopez: Benny, I think it's great that two people your age can...
- Benny: My age? I don't think so. Randy is 42. I don't need a guy whose idea of foreplay is somebody yelling 'Clear!' If anybody's going to be getting paddled in this relationship, it's going to be *me*.
- Carmen Lopez: How can you sleep at night knowing you help bomb babies?
- George Lopez: We don't make the bombs, Carmen, we make the landing gear so the plane can come back and reload.
- Carmen Lopez: Read the shirt, Dad.
- George Lopez: [reads Carmen's T-shirt, dryly] 'Smart bombs are dumb'. Wow, I never knew a rhinestone T-shirt could be so powerful.
- Carmen Lopez: This country has freedom of speech, people fought and died for that right.
- George Lopez: [laughs ominously] I thought you said war was wrong.
- [Carmen's gobsmacked]
- Angie Lopez: Carmen, you don't know how good you have it here. My uncles are in jail because they dared to express their opinions.
- George Lopez: [to Angie] That's not why they're in jail.
- Angie Lopez: I'm making a point!
- Angie Lopez: This is so exciting! I can't wait! I'm going to meet the President of the United States.
- Benny: No, no, no. This is just for us workers.
- Angie Lopez: Wha... That's not fair. When do I get a chance to meet the president?
- Benny: Oh, uh, that'll be next week. Mm-hmm. They're gonna have a town hall meeting for lazy housewives who sell crappy makeup.
- Angie Lopez: Well, I guess seeing a president isn't a big deal for you since you saw the first one.
- Angie Lopez: How was the president's speech?
- Benny: Boring as hell until Carmen showed up and started heckling him.
- Angie Lopez: What?
- Benny: All those time-outs you gave her when you should've just been swinging the belt.
- Angie Lopez: [about the president's speech] So no one else knows you stole it?
- George Lopez: Nope. Just you guys and Ernie.
- [groans after realizing what he just said]
- Angie Lopez: And every woman Ernie's told.
- [George rushes out of the house]
- Angie Lopez: [imitates Ernie] "Hey, my best friend stole the president's speech. Would you go out with me? Heh heh heh. Oh, okay. Sorry to bother you. Heh heh heh."