George Lopez (TV Series)

A Clear and Presentless Danger (2004)

George Lopez: George Lopez

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carmen Lopez : [to Angie about shopping for her clothes]  Here's a hint, if you're pushing a grocery cart and Dad's eating a hot dog on a stick, you're IN-THE-WRONG-STORE!

  Benny : Don't be such a princess. For years I bought your father's clothes at the county coroner's thrift store and he never once complained.

  George Lopez : I wore dead kids' clothes?

  Benny : You can't take it with you. Who buries a kid in shorts?

  Carmen Lopez : Oh that reminds me, Dad, I saw the perfect short sleeved hand painted dress at the mall and it's only $300, you need to get it for me.

  George Lopez : Are you crazy? $300 for a hand painted dress? Carmen, I wore haunted pants!

• Max Lopez : Christmas is going to suck this year, it'll be over in 5 minutes. Remember when we used to unwrap presents and Mom always says 'save the bows for next year' and you'd put them on your butt and say 'unwrap this'?

  George Lopez : [laughs]  You know it's funny, before you kids were born she'd actually unwrap it and

  [whistles] 

  George Lopez : Now she just says 'you're ruining the best bows!'

• George Lopez : [to Max about their 1 present rule]  I know this is rough, Max, but maybe next year when you get more than one thing, you'll appreciate what you get.

• George Lopez : [takes out flat present]  Here, I got your gift.

  Benny : [opens box, takes out shredded paper]  What is this crap?

  George Lopez : It's your bar tab from Thirsty's, Mom, I paid it off.

  Benny : [gets weepy and emotional]  I can drink the good stuff again.

  George Lopez : Merry Christmas, bat.

  [hugs her] 

• Benny : He was only going to get one gift, I wasn't about to ruin a little boy's Christmas.

  George Lopez : HELLO?

  Benny : This is different, I wanted to do it right this time.

  George Lopez : What do you mean 'do it right this time'? Are you admitting you messed up when I was a kid?

  Benny : No.

• George Lopez : Hey Max, before you open that, why don't you open a present from Santa?

  [brings out extra gift] 

  Carmen Lopez : That's not fair! Max gets two gifts but I only get one?

  George Lopez : Be quiet, he's a boy, it's different.

• George Lopez : I need to know who Max's Secret Santa is.

  Benny : I got Max.

  George Lopez : What? That's impossible, I rigged it so you'd get Angie.

  Benny : You THOUGHT you rigged it, I got Vic to switch with me.

  Angie Lopez : What do you MEAN you RIGGED it?

  George Lopez : I didn't want to get a crappy gift, and you thought my mom should be part of it, so I thought you deserved to be punished.

  Benny : You wanted to PUNISH me for Christmas?

  George Lopez : No, that sounds bad... I was going to teach you a holiday lesson.

• George Lopez : [about Max's unopened toys]  Look at all this perfectly good stuff being wasted on charity, an ant colony, a microscope, when you're poor you don't want to see things small!