- Phoebe: [bank error $500 in her favor] It's just that now that I have to go down there and deal with them!
- Joey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? Keep it!
- Phoebe: It's not mine! If I kept it, it would be like stealing!
- Rachel: Yeah, but if you kept it, it would be like shopping!
- Monica Geller: I just wish that once I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked.
- Paula: Well, you do realize that the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy.
- [first lines]
- Phoebe: [enters coffee shop] Hey, guys.
- [everybody responds]
- Dr. Ross Geller: Oh, hey, how did it go?
- Phoebe: Oh, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said "We should do this again."
- [much sympathy evoked]
- Rachel: What? "Let's do it again." That's good, right?
- Monica Geller: Uh, no. Loosely translated, "We should do this again" means "You will *never* see me naked."
- Rachel: Since when?
- Joey Tribbiani: Since always. It's like, dating language. You know, like, "It's not you" means "It *is* you."
- Chandler: Or "You're such a nice guy means *i'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them *to you.*
- Phoebe: Or - or, you know, "I think we should see other people" means "Ha-ha, I already am!"
- Rachel: And everybody knows it?
- Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah. Cushions the blow.
- Chandler: Just like when you were a kid and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
- Dr. Ross Geller: That's funny, you know, because our parents *did* actually send our dog off to live on a farm.
- Monica Geller: Uh... Ross...
- Dr. Ross Geller: What? Hello? The Milner's farm in Connecticut. The Milners, they had this *unbelievable* farm that they keep horses, and then rabbits that he could chase, and...
- [pitying look from Joey]
- Dr. Ross Geller: Oh, my God, Chichi!
- [clutches his forehead]
- Monica Geller: Why should I let them meet him? I bring a guy home and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like coyotes picking off the weak members of the herd.
- Paula: Listen, as someone who's seen more than her share of bad beef. I'll tell you, that is not such a terrible thing. Come on, they're your friends. They're looking out after you.
- Chandler: [re approving of Alan, Monica's new boyfriend] Oh, yeah, I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhoff impression alone! You know you could do that at parties, right?
- [mimics Baywatch's Mitch running in slo-mo on beach]