Lieutenant Womack:
[
to Jayne] That hat makes you look like an idiot.
Jayne:
[
about his mother's homemade hat] How's it sit? Pretty cunning, don't you think?
River Tam:
My food is problematic.
Jayne Cobb:
Girl's a mind-readin' genius, can't even figure out how to eat an ice-planet.
Simon:
This may come as a shock, but I'm actually not very good at-at talking to girls.
Zoë:
Why, is there someone you *are* good at talkin' to?
[
Simon is standing in front of a jar carrying a mutated cow fetus]
Hoban 'Wash' Washburne:
Oh my God! It's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar.
Hoban 'Wash' Washburne:
[
speaking directly to the cow fetus that is being passed off as an alien] Do not fear me. Ours is a peaceful race and we must live in harmony.
Inara Serra:
The Lassiter is universally known. Fencing it is like... fencing the Mona Lisa.
Mal:
Well - The Mona who?
Inara Serra:
So, do aliens live among us?
Kaylee Frye:
Yeah. One of them's a doctor.
Jayne:
What'd y'all order a dead guy for?
Tracey:
When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl - when you can't do that...
Zoë:
You find someone to carry you.
Simon:
And your eyes are...
Kaylee:
Yeah, eyes, yeah?
Mal:
Everybody dies, Tracey. Someone's carryin' a bullet for you right now, doesn't even know it. The trick is, die of old age before it finds you.
Mal:
They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself.
Hoban 'Wash' Washburne:
Man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything.
Kaylee:
[
In Chinese] Why don't you tell the cow about its beautiful eyes?
Zoë:
First rule of battle, little one, don't ever let them know where you are.
Mal:
[
comes running in shouting and shooting] Woo-hoo! I'm right here! I'm right here! You want some of this? Yeah, you do! Come on! Come on!
[
dives for cover from an explosion]
Mal:
Woo-hoo!
Zoë:
'Course there are other schools of thought.
Mal:
Using corpses for smuggling is a time honored repulsive custom.
Jayne:
Maybe it's gold.
Zoë:
And maybe he was a friend of ours and you need to show a little respect.
Jayne:
I got respect. I'm just saying...
[
points at body]
Jayne:
gold!
Simon:
[
to Kaylee] You manage to find the bright side of every single thing.
Kaylee Frye:
[
to Simon] Tell me more good stuff about me!
Mal:
You wanna explain to me exactly why you got yourself all corpsified and mailed to me?
Tracey:
Do you think I'm stupid?
Mal:
In every way possible.
River Tam:
[
to Simon] You are such a boob.
Simon:
Captain, I don't mean to
[
walks to Tracey with stethoscope]
Simon:
... We may have a medical emergency here. This man appears to be in cardiac arrest.
Mal:
What? Tracey, you havin' a heart attack? Don't look like he's havin' a heart attack.
Kaylee Frye:
I'm glad I rated higher than dead bessie here.
River Tam:
My food is problematic.
Mal:
And you never seen a man more proud of his moustache than Colonel Obrin. I mean, in all my life, I will never love a woman the way this officer loved that lip ferret.
Simon:
[
looking at the "alien"] Yep. It's a cow fetus.
Lieutenant Womack:
And really, I was just bluffing with that talk about arresting you. I mean, who needs that kind of paperwork? Skunk, light him on fire.
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