- [Ted answers the phone]
- Bishop Len Brennan: Crilly, It's me.
- Father Ted Crilly: Oh feck!
- Bishop Len Brennan: What?
- Father Ted Crilly: Who ees thees? Zere is no Creely 'ere.
- [Ted hangs up]
- Father Ted Crilly: God almighty! I just said "feck" to Bishop Brennan!
- Father Dougal McGuire: Oho! He won't like that!
- Father Ted Crilly: It might be alright though. I disguised my voice so he'd think he dialled the wrong number.
- [the phone rings, Ted picks it up]
- Bishop Len Brennan: Crilly.
- Father Ted Crilly: Ah, Bishop Brennan. I think you must have got the wrong number when you called there.
- Bishop Len Brennan: Shut up, Crilly, just shut up!
- Father Dougal McGuire: Come on Sampras.
- Father Ted Crilly: What did you call him?
- Father Dougal McGuire: Sampras, like Pete Sampras.
- Father Ted Crilly: Why?
- Father Dougal McGuire: Well, you know, rabbits, tennis, you know that whole connection there.
- Father Jack Hackett: Hey,hey,hey you!
- Father Ted Crilly: Yes Father?
- Father Jack Hackett: Rats!
- Father Ted Crilly: Yes, Father; we can see them as well.
- Father Jack Hackett: Hairy Japanese Bastards!
- Bishop Len Brennan: And you have...?
- Father Ted Crilly: Ah, yes. The rope. I'd like to see him chew through this... Again.
- Father Dougal McGuire: C'mon Ted,think. Where's the last place you'd think I'd put them?
- Father Ted Crilly: Wwll, I suppose that the last place I'd think you'd put them would be... would actually be... Bishop Brennan's room. Dougal: Bingo! Think about it Ted- I put the bunnies in the last place he'd ever expect to find them! In his own room- he'd never look there!
- Father Dougal McGuire: Bingo! Think about it Ted- I put the bunnies in the last place he'd ever expect to find them! In his own room- he'd never look there!
- Father Ted Crilly: Well, we'll have to do it in shifts; get them out of the house and as far away as possible.
- Father Dougal McGuire: Why can't we just leave them here?
- Father Ted Crilly: Because, Dougal, my nerves are shot and I won't be able to relax until the only rabbit left is the one sitting in your head working the controls.
- [When thinking of a name for Dougals rabbit]
- Father Dougal McGuire: I've got one. You see how he's got big floppy ears flopping all over the place? Well why don't we call him Father Jack Haggit.
- Father Ted Crilly: [sarcastically] Perfect. 'Father Jack' it is.
- Father Jack Hackett: WHAT?
- Father Ted Crilly: Oh nothing Father. Dougals just named his rabbit after you.
- Father Jack Hackett: WHAT?
- Father Dougal McGuire: Are you alright 'Father Jack'?
- Father Jack Hackett: WHAT?
- Father Ted Crilly: He's not talking to you. He's talking to the rabbit.
- Father Jack Hackett: WHAT?
- Father Dougal McGuire: I think 'Father Jack' needs a Drink.
- Father Jack Hackett: DRINK DRINK!
- Father Ted Crilly: Lets give him water.
- Father Jack Hackett: WATER? FECK!
- Father Ted Crilly: It's getting far to confusing.
- Father Dougal McGuire: I've gotten use to calling him 'Father Jack'. Cant we call Father Jack something else?
- Father Ted Crilly: Alright then 'Flipper', 'Flipper the priest'
- Father Jack Hackett: YES!
- Bishop Len Brennan: What would the following words suggest to you: "Jack", "sleepwalking" and "bollock naked"?
- Bishop Len Brennan: Um... Crilly what is this?
- [Points to big pile of rabbit droppings on the floor]
- Father Ted Crilly: That's um... Caviar.
- Bishop Len Brennan: Caviar?
- Father Ted Crilly: Yes, well it's not everyday we have a bishop around, so we thought we'd get the Caviar out.
- Bishop Len Brennan: Right so what you've done is, you've spread some Caviar down there so i can get on my hands and eat it off the floor.
- Father Ted Crilly: ...Yes
- [Ted screams at the sight of all the rabbits]
- Father Dougal McGuire: What's wrong Ted?
- Father Ted Crilly: Rabbits!
- Father Dougal McGuire: Wher- oh wow.
- Bishop Brennan: What would the following words suggest to you: "Jack", "sleepwalking" and "bollock naked"?
- Father Dougal McGuire: Ted! Did Len find the rabbits?
- Bishop Len Brennan: What did he say?
- Father Ted Crilly: Well er...
- Bishop Len Brennan: Did he call me Len again?
- [shouts downstairs]
- Bishop Len Brennan: You address me by my proper title you little bollocks!
- Father Dougal McGuire: Sorry er... Father Len Brennan.
- Father Ted Crilly: D'you know what this is like, Dougal? It's like some sort of plague... A big rabbit plague... I wonder if God is punishing us, or something... Maybe because I said "feck" to Bishop Brennan.
- Father Dougal McGuire: God, if he'd send a plague of rabbits just because you said "feck" to Bishop Brennan, imagine what'll he do when he finds out about all the money you stole from that charity?