- Mrs. Doyle: Father Hank Tree. Father Hiroshima Twinkie. Father Stig Bubblecard. Father Johnny Helzapoppin. Father Luke Duke. Father Billy Furley. Father Chewy Louie. Father John Hoop. Father Harry Cakelinem. Father Rabulah Conundrum. Father Pee-wee Stairmaster. Father Tri-Peglips. Father Jemimah Ractoole. Father Jerry Twig. Father Spodo Komodo. Father Canabramalamer. Father Todd Unctious.
- Father Todd Unctious: Yes!
- Father Ted Crilly: Where did you manage to stick Jack in the end?
- Father Dougal: Ah, they've got this great place, Ted where you can put people who don't want to go shopping. They can just stay there and have a laugh.
- Father Ted Crilly: Really? Never heard of that. Were there other people there?
- Father Dougal: Ah, loads of people, Ted. He'll be fine.
- [Meanwhile, Jack is in a creche, smoking a cigarette and surrounding by children playing]
- Garda: Now then Todd Unctious, if that is your real name...
- Father Todd Unctious: I already told you it wasn't.
- Father Dougal: What's going on?
- Other Priest: I think Ted has a plan.
- Father Dougal: No, I mean in general.
- Father Ted Crilly: Y'know, when I woke up this morning and I looked in the mirror there was a middle-aged, grey-haired man staring back at me.
- Father Dougal: Who was that Ted?
- Father Ted Crilly: Me Dougal!
- Father Dougal: Ah. That would explain a lot.
- Father Dougal: [about the Advent calendar] God, Ted, I can't wait to find out what's behind tomorrow's one. I-I bet it's a donkey or somethin'.
- Father Ted Crilly: Oh right so you've eh changed from your initial prediction. What was it again, Rudd Gullit sitting on a shed, was it?
- Father Ted Crilly: I mean, what's it all about?
- Father Dougal: Oh there's not really a story Ted, it's just about football and stuff.
- Father Ted Crilly: Ah no Dougal I mean life.