- Alex P. Keaton: Caring for an elderly parent, that's a - that's an awesome responsibility.
- Elyse Keaton: ...How would you know?
- Alex P. Keaton: Aw, come on, Ma - I've given this a lot of thought, you know. And I think that, that it - children have an obligation to plan for the day when their parents become a burden on society. I mean, uh... God knows I have.
- Steven Keaton: Well, that's a - that's a relief, Alex. Your mother and I were afraid we were going to be set adrift on an ice floe.
- Alex P. Keaton: Dad, Mom - I promise you: That's a last resort... No - when your time comes, I'm gonna make sure you get put into the most comfortable, elegant retirement center available.
- Elyse Keaton: Honey, honey - we're not gonna live in a retirement center. We're gonna live with you!
- Alex P. Keaton: ...Well, then it's the ice floe.