- Johnny "Drama" Chase: I'm telling you, once your car's been stolen, it never runs the same again. It's like a guy sleeping with your girl. He leaves his mark all over her.
- Vincent Chase: I've never been like this in my life, guys. And the truth of the matter is, I don't even give a fuck about the movie anymore. I could live with Mandy in a one-bedroom in Chatsworth and I'd be happy.
- Ari Gold: A little memory trick, when they introduce themselves: word association. Like you say "Eric Murphy" I think loser.
- Eric Murphy: Like Ari Gold - douchebag?
- [in a room with Mandy Moore's agents]
- Ari Gold: They're just asking you to get Vince to put this relationship on hold until the movie's over.
- Eric Murphy: Ari, the guy's in love, all right? He's not going to put his relationship on hold, but I promise you he will be where he needs to be. You guys do the same thing with Mandy and we'll be fine, okay? You done? Nice meeting you.
- [begins walking out]
- Barbara Miller: Eric. You don't want to wind up spinning dough at that fucking pizza place again, do you?
- Ari Gold: I told her a little bit about you.
- [Eric walks over to Barbara]
- Eric Murphy: Listen Babs, you don't want to talk to me like that, cause I don't care who you are. Yes, I am Vince's manager, but we've also been best friends since we were 6 years old, and I don't appreciate sitting in a room discussing his personal life with a bunch of fucking strangers.
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: Nobody takes cabs in L.A., Turtle.
- Turtle: That's 'cause no one can figure out what color they are... I mean they got blue ones, green ones, red ones, white ones.
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: Fuck a city where the cabs aren't monochromatic yellow.
- Barbara Miller: So Ari, who's gonna be running this shindig, you or me?
- Ari Gold: You've got the biggest cock in the room, Babs. Why don't you kick it off?
- Barbara Miller: Oh I don't know about that, Ari. We haven't seen Eric's yet.
- Robin: Hello gentlemen, I'm Robin. How can I help you?
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: How you doing, girl? We're looking for a silky smooth rhyming cat named Saigon.
- Robin: Was that English?
- Barbara Miller: Eric, we both know Vince has fucked half the actresses in this town. Mandy, on the other hand, is a good girl.
- Eric Murphy: [to Ari] You seriously gonna sit here and let them bad-mouth Vince like this?
- Ari Gold: I thought that was a compliment.
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: Great job, Turtle. You just sold a song you don't own.
- Turtle: You know what my Pops used to say?
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: "I wish I had a daughter"?
- Turtle: No. "Sell it, don't smell it." Don't worry, we'll get the rights.
- Johnny "Drama" Chase: How?
- Turtle: We'll wing it, my man.