The Drew Carey Show (TV Series)

Drew's Life After Death (2001)

Drew Carey: Drew Carey

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kate O'Brien : We found your obituary in the paper.

  Drew Carey : [Reads]  "Drew Carey" Wow. "Employee at Winfred-Louder, dead from a car accident, he was 42." How did this get in the paper

  Mimi Bobeck Carey : [Walks to her desk]  Hey, pig.

  [Goes on the store intercom] 

  Mimi Bobeck Carey : Attention shoppers. In honor of Drew Carey being dead, for the next hour, you can 50% off all old-man underwear.

  Drew Carey : It's not my fault they haven't made any good underwear since the 50's.

  [Slams the paper with his obituary on her desk] 

  Drew Carey : You did this didn't you?

  Mimi Bobeck Carey : How dare you! I'm deeply wounded by your insinuations-Yeah, I did it.

  [laughs] 

  Mimi Bobeck Carey : The hospital sent me and Steve your death certificate.

  Drew Carey : Why? I was in a coma, but I didn't die!

  Mimi Bobeck Carey : Don't ask me. The hospital sent it to Steve, and I go through his mail. He keeps sending money to sponsor those needy third-world kids. We've got four already, no more!

• Lewis Kiniski : Kate, tell Drew what your life would be like without him.

  Kate O'Brien : Well, I wouldn't have my best friend. I mean, you're everything to me. I've never felt alone, because I know I'll always have you.

  Drew Carey : I've heard you say that to a pitcher of beer.

• Drew Carey : Do you know what the worst of all this is? Look at my obituary, look how small it is.

  [Takes the newspaper and puts a fry on it] 

  Drew Carey : My entire life can be covered up by a French fry.

  Lewis Kiniski : [Takes the paper]  Let me see that. I bet they left some good stuff out, huh?

  [Reads] 

  Lewis Kiniski : Actually, I can cut this down to six words.

• Drew Carey : That's just great. Wick goes to Hawaii, you guys get rich, I die, everybody else goes to heaven.

  Lewis Kiniski : Well, we offered to cut you in.

  Drew Carey : That's not the point! The point is, I've helped more people who are dead than alive

  [takes the newspaper and points to it] 

  Drew Carey : I mean, look at this guy. All of the list of the organizations he belonged to takes up more space than my whole obituary. You know, if I want a life that adds up to something, I gotta care too. I gotta volunteer somewhere.

  Oswald Lee Harvey : Hey, that's a great idea. My uncle was a general in the Salvation Army. Till he went crazy and led a surprise attack on the Goodwill store... There was blood and platform shoes everywhere.