- Charlotte: [Martin is having a hard time dealing with his recent discovery that his girlfriend once made pornographic films] Look, I think what we have is pretty terrific. And if you can just get past the fact that I once appeared as Princess Lay-Her in Star Whores, then I think we have a shot.
- Eddie Charles: [they kiss; later, in a locker room, Eddie adds his two cents worth] Face it, bud. We all want to pretend that every woman that we go to bed with is a virgin. Or, if she's not, she's only done it once, and it was really, really bad.
- Martin Tupper: Oh, come on.
- Eddie Charles: No, I'm serious, man. You're in trouble. I mean, the rest of us only have to deal with old love letters and photo albums, but you? You've got to handle VHS and Beta.
- Martin Tupper: Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm fine. I'm really fine. It's not a big deal. So she made a couple of porno films.
- Nosey Guy: [another guy in the locker room suddenly pays attention] Really? Which ones?
- Eddie Charles: [sharply] None of your business!
- Martin Tupper: Look, man, I think Charlotte is great. I really do, and I think you two can be very happy, as long as you can accept the fact that every time you look at her, you're gonna see her dressed as Gretel, spankin' a six-foot Hansel.
- Nosey Guy: Who-hooa, that's your girlfriend?
- Father Augustine: [Martin is seeking relationship advice from a priest who speaks like a Raymond Chandler novel] As the saying goes, "Love makes its own commandments."
- Martin Tupper: I don't suppose that's from the Bible.
- Father Augustine: Nope. Chapter eleven, "The Girl With the Two-Fisted Legs".