- Drake Parker: Let's see, uh, each grills is about forty bucks, right? We make 20% of every one we sell, makes...
- [tracing in mid-air]
- Drake Parker: Eight hundred dollars a grill!
- Josh Nichols: Move your decimal.
- Drake Parker: Oh, right, right...
- [traces in the air again]
- Drake Parker: $8,000 a grill!
- Josh Nichols: [cutting him off] Oh, eight dollars a grill!
- Drake Parker: [under interrogation] Look, I told you we're innocent.
- FBI Man: Look, all I know is last month a truckload of Gary Coleman grills were stolen out of Whippany, New Jersey.
- FBI Man 2: Witnesses says the thieves were two clean-cut Caucasian males.
- Drake Parker: There you go! We're not Caucasian. We're white guys!
- [Josh sadly leans over and whispers to Drake what Caucasian means]
- Drake Parker: [aside to Josh] He forgot the hockey table.
- Gary Coleman: [to the mover] I want the hockey table...
- Josh Nichols: Helen's been all over my butt to sell more snacks.
- Drake Parker: Uh, you know, you really shouldn't use the words butt and snacks in the same sentence.
- Josh Nichols: [Gary Coleman takes all Drake and Josh's new stuff because they spent all his money] Please, can we at least keep the chair?
- Gary Coleman: Have you sat in it?
- Josh Nichols: Yes.
- Gary Coleman: Keep it.
- Josh Nichols: Stick to your lemonade stands, little girl.
- Megan Parker: Okay, fine, but just remember - I'm younger than you. One day, you'll both be old and sick. That's when you'll need me, but I'll be in Europe laughing it up while the two of you are lying in bed, gagging on your own saliva.
- FBI Man: Well... looks like you two boys are in some serious trouble.
- Drake Parker: No, we didn't do anything.
- FBI Man: Well, then, how come your partner's sweating so much?
- Josh Nichols: W... it's hereditary. I come from a family of moist men.
- FBI Man 2: What were the names of these two guys?
- Josh Nichols: Um, well-well, one of their names was, uh... Guy.
- FBI Man 2: Right. "Guy." And what was his buddy's name?
- Drake Parker: [hesitantly and meekly] Buddy.
- FBI Man: I see. And did they have a third partner named Pal?
- FBI Man 2: What about Dude? Was "Dude" in on it with them?
- Josh Nichols: Hey, I think you're mocking us!
- Tough Kid: You know what color your guts are?
- Josh Nichols: No.
- Tough Kid: I do.
- Josh Nichols: Oh... Is your father a surgeon?