- Pauline Lamb: Don't forget you've got the school thing today. If Louisa Glasson gets it there's a bit of a party later at the Crab.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: What happens if she doesn't?
- Pauline Lamb: No-one in Portwenn will talk to you.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: I can live with that.
- Louisa Glasson: Ten year olds don't always know what's best for them.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: I did.
- Louisa Glasson: Yes, but you're a bit different from the rest of us.
- [while Peter Cronk is staying with Dr Martin Ellingham, he persuades Martin to let him rent "an educational video". Later, Louisa is horrified to see that he is watching an X-rated horror film]
- Louisa Glasson: What are you watching? Turn it off!
- Peter Cronk: Oh, but they were just about to eat the virgin's eyeballs.
- Louisa Glasson: Off! Martin?
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: He told me it was educational.
- Louisa Glasson: Yes, and he just said the words "virgin's eyeballs".
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is that bad?
- Mrs. Richards: [about her husband] Oh, sure! If I mention impetigo he'll ditch his girlfriend straight away, drive overnight from Glasgow and give our marriage one more try.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: Good.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: Well, as I have just explained to Peter, you are a, er, er, woman.
- Louisa Glasson: Oh. Glad you noticed.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yeah, years of medical training.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: Pauline, get PC Mark Mylow on the phone. Tell him there's a dangerous dog on the loose. I want it caught and put to sleep.
- Pauline Lamb: Put to sleep?
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: Destroyed, Pauline. Killed. Sent to that big doggy basket in the sky.
- Mel Collins: If you had enough time to improve equal opportunity policy, where would you start?
- Interview Woman: [Thinks, sips water, thinks some more, sips again]
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: More to the point: how long would it take you?
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: [speaking to a patient] Portwenn has one doctor and 966 people who know better.