Dinosaurs (TV Series)
Switched at Birth (1991)
Stuart Pankin: Earl Sinclair
Quotes
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Fran Sinclair : Honey, you have to earn his love.
Earl Sinclair : That could take years. I want his love now. Genuine and unconditional. And I'm willing to pay for it.
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Earl : I spent 200 bucks for this and my butt is falling asleep.
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Robbie Sinclair : Stop it! You're adults. Can't you settle this like adults?
Earl Sinclair : With what, weapons?
Gus Molehill : Costly litigation?
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Earl Sinclair : If he's so wise, how come he doesn't have a house?
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Baby Sinclair : This is great!
[laughs]
Solomon The Great : I am truly moved by your selflessness and love for this child. But too late!
[cuts the baby in half]
Fran : No!
[Aubrey's parents gasp in shock]
Baby Sinclair : Again!
[laughs]
Earl : [Solomon the Great brings their half of a child] Oh!
Solomon The Great : There.
Earl : Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm so, so sorry, little feet. I promise I'll make it up to you. I know we can't play baseball, but I can teach you soccer.
Baby Sinclair : [kicks Earl Sinclair in the face] Not the mama!
[laughs]
-
Absolute Proof Laboratories Scientist : The green baby goes to the Sinclairs, and the pink baby belongs to the Molehills. Science has spoken. Now, take your babies, go home, and live the rest of your lives.
Earl : [in the house] All right, son. I'll toss you the ball and you'll hit it.
Aubrey Molehill : As you wish, Father.
Earl : Batter up.
[throws the ball at Aubrey Molehill]
Earl : Oh! Oh!
Aubrey Molehill : Oh! Heavens, missed that one. Oh! Another of my nose bleeds.
Earl : Oh! Bad throw. Sorry. Oh! Oh, oh!
Aubrey Molehill : Oh, if you could get me a tissue.
Earl : Oh, Robbie, get your brother a tissue.
Robbie Sinclair : Aw, jeez, is he bleeding again?
Aubrey Molehill : I have a weak nasal membrane.
Earl : He's got a membrane. Get him a tissue!
Robbie Sinclair : That's all I do is bring tissues and Q-tips and cotton balls.
Aubrey Molehill : Could I trouble you for tweezers? I believe I've gotten a splinter from this rough-hewn bat.
Robbie Sinclair : Shh. Don't talk. You'll pull a muscle.
Earl : Hmm?
Aubrey Molehill : Hmm?
Earl : Uh, tell you what. Let's play something a little less physical.
Aubrey Molehill : All right.
Earl : How about a game of peek-a-boo?
Aubrey Molehill : Okay.
Earl : All right. Now, you cover your eyes.
Aubrey Molehill : Mm-hmm.
[covers his eyes]
Earl : Now I'll cover mine.
[covers his eyes too]
Earl : Now, where's Daddy? Where did he go?
[laughs]
Aubrey Molehill : Father! Father! Where have you gone?
Earl : Huh? Huh?
Aubrey Molehill : Oh, oh! Don't abandon me!
[gasps]
Aubrey Molehill : I'm having an asthma attack!
Earl : It's all right. I'm here. Daddy's here!
Aubrey Molehill : Where's my inhaler?
Earl : Inhaler? Inhaler? Oh. Ah! Here it is. Here it is.
[inhaler puffs]
Aubrey Molehill : Ah! What a cruel, cruel game. I felt so alone. Promise me you'll never play that again, Father.
Earl : I promise, I promise, just don't bleed.
-
Glenda Molehill : He spit up all over the carpet!
Earl Sinclair : What toddler hasn't?
Glenda Molehill : After eating a cat!
[door opens]
Aubrey Molehill : Ew.
-
Earl Sinclair : Hi there, little fella.
Aubrey Molehill : Juice?
[Earl gasps]
Aubrey Molehill : Is something wrong?
Earl Sinclair : You're not going to hit me?
Aubrey Molehill : Dear me, no! I just thought you might enjoy a beverage. It's quite refreshing.
-
Gus Molehill : [Gus Molehill arrives] Hey, how you doing? Gus Molehill. Gotta love me. Gotta love me!
[laughs]
Gus Molehill : Hey, nice digs. Hey. Ooh, what are you doin' for food here?
Fran Sinclair : Earl, I'm still not convinced.
Gus Molehill : Hey, this is my wife Glenda.
Glenda Molehill : Hello. How are you?
Gus Molehill : And this is my boy Aubrey.
[chuckles]
Gus Molehill : So you must be the mama.
Fran Sinclair : Oh! Yes.
Gus Molehill : And I guess that makes you not the mama!
[Earl Sinclair grunts]
Gus Molehill : Not the mama!
[laughs and coughs]
Earl : Fran, he's a cute green kid.
Gus Molehill : Hey. My boy looks just like you, Earl.
-
Fran Sinclair : It's too loud!
[turns off the TV]
Fran Sinclair : And I don't like the values they portray.
Robbie Sinclair : Mom, you're overreacting.
Baby Sinclair : Beer! Cigarettes! Chicks!
Robbie Sinclair : He could've heard that anywhere.
Earl Sinclair : [arrives] Where is he? Where is he? Ah, there's the birthday boy! Tomorrow's the big day! Yay.
Baby Sinclair : [chuckles] Yay! Presents! Presents!
Earl Sinclair : Hey! You betcha! Presents, hats, streamers, the works for your first birthday. Even a pony!
Baby Sinclair : Pony?
Earl Sinclair : That's right! A big, juicy one, grilled to perfection.
-
Solomon The Great : Then, in my divine wisdom, there is only one equitable solution. To divide the child in two.
[thunderclap]
Baby Sinclair , Aubrey Molehill : Huh?
Fran Sinclair : Earl, we can't let him do this!
Solomon The Great : Silence! Do not question the wisdom of Solomon The Great. My powers are beyond the comprehension of mere mortals. And now I shall perform the miracle of divine justice with the help of my assistant Ramona!
[Ramona appears and Baby's parents and Aubrey's parents exclaim]
Earl Sinclair : Oh!
Gus Molehill : Hey! Yes! Good!
[Baby Sinclair exclaims]
Gus Molehill : Hey, nice, nice!
Solomon The Great : Ha!
Earl Sinclair : Nice box.
[applause]
Solomon The Great : Mr. Sinclair, if you would, bring me the pink baby.
Earl Sinclair : Oh, yeah.
[Baby Sinclair laughs and Earl Sinclair brings Solomon The Great the pink baby]
Solomon The Great : Now, place the child completely in the box, head there, feet here.
Earl Sinclair : Head there, feet there. Oh! Oh! Watch your nose.
Solomon The Great : Now, Mr. Sinclair, we've never met before. Is that correct, sir?
Earl Sinclair : Yes, that is correct, sir.
Solomon The Great : And no money has changed hands between us?
Earl Sinclair : None whatsoever.
Solomon The Great : Well, then how do I have your wallet? Ha-ha!
Earl Sinclair : Whoa! Hey! That's wonderful!
Baby Sinclair : Yay! Yay!
Solomon The Great : Mr. Sinclair, as you can see, this is an ordinary box.
Baby Sinclair : Careful! Careful!
Solomon The Great : There are no hidden panels. No secret compartments. Just a simple, wooden box.
Earl Sinclair : Yes, it looks okay to me.
Solomon The Great : You may step back now. Thank you. Now, how about a hand for Mr. Sinclair?
Earl Sinclair : Oh, thank you, thank you.
[applause]
Solomon The Great : And thank you.
-
Baby Sinclair : Not the mama!
Earl Sinclair : I should've seen that coming.
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Baby Sinclair : [Gus Molehill and Fran Sinclair grunt] Ah! Make a wish.
Fran Sinclair : Earl, help me!
Earl Sinclair : With you in a minute!
Glenda Molehill : Let go of my boy!
Aubrey Molehill : My arms have a tendency to dislocate!
-
Gus Molehill : Boy, did that hurt, huh, Earl?
Earl Sinclair : That didn't hurt a bit.
-
Fran Sinclair : [arrives] Hi, I'm back from the market. I got nearly everything on Aubrey's list except the low-sodium goat cheese and the sugar-free tofu teething cookies.
[Earl sighs]
Aubrey Molehill : Perhaps you could pop out after supper and check other stores. By the way, did you manage to change the linens in my crib? They were left in quite a state by your previous child.
Fran Sinclair : My previous child?
[cries]
Fran Sinclair : Oh. Oh, no.
Earl Sinclair : Oh. Come on, Franny. Our real son is celebrating his first birthday.
Fran Sinclair : My baby is one year old, and I'm not there?
[wails]
Fran Sinclair : I just want to crawl into the woods and die!
Earl Sinclair : Cake time! Charlene, your mother wants some cake. Fran, hey! No wonder you're feeling down. You don't have a party hat.
Fran Sinclair : Oh, my baby has been taken from me!
[cries]
Earl Sinclair : Oh, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake! That's it, come on. Quick.
Charlene : Here you go, Mom.
[Earl chuckles nervously]
Fran Sinclair : I want the knife. Give me the knife!
Charlene : What?
Earl Sinclair : No cake. No cake. No cake.
Charlene : Hey, hey. Hey! What's the matter with Mom?
Earl Sinclair : Well, she's overwhelmed with happiness.
[Fran cries and Earl sighs and smacks his teeth]
Robbie Sinclair : Well, I got the tissues.
Earl Sinclair : Give... .
Robbie Sinclair : Huh?
Earl Sinclair : No. Come on, sweetie. Now, cheer up. We're celebrating a new addition to our family.
[Fran blows her nose]
Earl Sinclair : Everyone else is happy.
Robbie Sinclair : I'm not.
Charlene : Me, either. The kid's a real zero. Oh, no offense.
Aubrey Molehill : None taken. Fortunately, I'm very well-adjusted.