- Clarence Maxwell: [offscreen] You're all doomed!
- Sam McKinney: Arnold, are you a ventriloquist?
- Arnold Jackson: No.
- Sam McKinney: Then I hope he's talking about you!
- Clarence Maxwell: I am!
- Pearl Gallagher: This is worse than Poltergeist! Stay away from the television everybody! Excuse me everyone, but I have to go lie down, under my bed!
- C.W.: Rumor has it that the old man's ghost still walks the old house.
- Arnold Jackson: Oh come on, Mr. Owens, there're no such things as ghosts.
- C.W.: Right, no ghosts, that's what I thought, until that night, when these eyes saw something, and they haven't been the same since! Well, it was one stormy night, I was walking my dog, Rotunda, by the old Markwell place, he saw something down by the cellar and he chased it. Well, we glanced in, worst thing I ever did, I came face to face with the ghost of Clarence MARKWELL!
- Sam McKinney: Please don't let there be no ghosts, please don't let there be no ghosts!
- [every vase in the room shatters]
- Sam McKinney: Boy that ghost sure doesn't like knickknacks!
- Arnold Jackson: [hears creaking] Don't worry, it's just the house settling.
- Sam McKinney: I hope it settles for a turkey leg instead of a redhead.
- Clarence Maxwell: Ouch!
- Arnold Jackson: Ouch? Ghosts don't go ouch!
- Clarence Maxwell: No but people do!
- Sam McKinney: Arnold, the turkey leg's gone!
- Arnold Jackson: Dad! Maggie! Oh how come there's never a parent around when you need one?
- Maggie McKinney: I've heard about your wonderful inventions, Mr. Markwell, it's really a pleasure to meet you. And all these years everyone thought you were gone.
- Arnold Jackson: Why did you pretend you were dead?
- Clarence Maxwell: I wanted to help people, instead it just seemed that everything I made ended up being used for war, and not helping mankind at all.
- Philip Drummond: I want you to stay away from the Markwell house. Do you hear me?
- Arnold Jackson: Yeah, Dad!