- Willis Jackson: Jerry and I were in this really bad car accident. I was lucky I just came out with a few scratches.
- Philip Drummond: Are you sure?
- Willis Jackson: Yeah I'm fine.
- Philip Drummond: Well thank God you're alright, how'd you get home?
- Willis Jackson: The police brought me.
- Philip Drummond: Well come on sit down over here. Now tell me what happened.
- Willis Jackson: We were leaving this bar, and I guess Jerry had a few too many. And he ran this red light and this big truck, I didn't see it coming, it just plowed right into us.
- Arnold Jackson: How's Jerry?
- Willis Jackson: He's real bad, he's in a coma. They wouldn't let me see him, the doctors said there's nothing I can do and to go home. This is my home, isn't it? Dad, I want to come back, can I?
- Philip Drummond: Of course, son.
- Willis Jackson: I only had a couple drinks.
- Arnold Jackson: From the looks of your eyeballs they must've been Bloody Marys.
- Jerry: What do you think of our place, Arnold?
- Arnold Jackson: No self respecting cockroach would live here.
- Philip Drummond: Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the handsomest of them all? What? Well you could've lied a little.
- Willis Jackson: I'm going to this party at Jerry's, and it's BYOB, you know what that means?
- Philip Drummond: Sure, it means hand me that bottle.
- Willis Jackson: But Dad...
- Philip Drummond: HAND-me-that-bottle.
- Willis Jackson: I didn't even have to tell you, I could've just done it and you would've never found out.
- Philip Drummond: Right, but you're too honest for that.
- Willis Jackson: What about your party? You're gonna be late.
- Philip Drummond: It can wait, it's only a charity affair, that chicken can't get any colder than it is.
- Willis Jackson: What's everybody doing up?
- Kimberly Drummond: Can't you guess? We're modeling sleepwear.
- Willis Jackson: I love Dad but he's just impossible to live with.
- Arnold Jackson: So are you, but I do it!
- Kimberly Drummond: I was just on my way to ballet class and I thought I'd come by and see your place.
- Willis Jackson: Well this is it, what do you think?
- Kimberly Drummond: It has possibilities. Clean it up a little, you can use it for the city dump.
- Philip Drummond: How is he?
- Arnold Jackson: Well, kinda hard to tell with Willis, his face always looks like he has his shorts on backwards.
- Willis Jackson: I'm going to a party at Jerry's and it's BYOB. Do you know what that means?
- Philip Drummond: Yes and it means give me that bottle.