The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

No Rice at My Wedding (1965)

Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie, Laura Meehan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Laura Petrie : I bet Rob's still jealous. I hope so. A little jealousy's very healthy in a husband.

• Laura Meehan : Rob, are you upset about this whole thing?

  Rob Petrie : [emphatically]  No.

  Laura Meehan : Well, then how come those papers are pinned to my legs?

• Laura Meehan : Then you're not upset about tonight?

  Rob Petrie : No, honest, not a bit.

  Laura Meehan : Well, if-if you are - just, you know, a little bit - just remember that all the time I'm out with him I'll be thinking of you.

  Rob Petrie : Ah, that's sweet. And all the time you're out with him I'll be thinkin' of me, too.

• Millie Crumberbacher : Laura, did he almost kiss you?

  Laura Meehan : Worse. I almost kissed HIM.

  Millie Crumberbacher : Ooo, can I have Rob?

• [Millie tries to help Laura decide between Clark and Rob through a point system] 

  Laura Meehan : Clark wants to be a lawyer.

  Millie Crumberbacher : Ooo, a lawyer. That's very good. That's another ten points. And Rob wants to be a comedy writer - which no one knows how to be one, so he'll be struggling and starving and probably never make it - so we'll give him one point.

  Laura Meehan : Millie, you're pushing Clark.

  Millie Crumberbacher : I am not. Well, the score is twenty to eight in his favor, you know. I didn't make these numbers up!

  Laura Meehan : Yes, you did!

• Clark Rice : What's WITH that guy?

  Laura Meehan : I don't know! I don't know and I don't care! I never COULD figure him out. Sometimes he seems so... and then the other times he just doesn't. Once he even - and for no reason - and what was I to do. Did I ever tell you he broke my foot? Well, he did. He broke my foot. You see, Rob's the kind of a guy who... I mean, I always felt that if I ever, he'd be the last, because... Well, YOU! You're so... and... but I don't know WHY, Clark. I do, though. I really do. He's just so adora... adora...

  Clark Rice : Adorable?

  Laura Meehan : You see it, too, don't you?

• Clark Rice : Uh, you know the, uh, fortune cookie tonight said a new person was coming into your life? Pay attention to him?

  Laura Meehan : Yeah, but you made me go through fifteen of 'em before we found one that said THAT.

• Laura Petrie : Millie, you can draw a heart with pencil and paper but you can't measure one.

• Rob Petrie : You've got exactly five minutes.

  Laura Meehan : Five minutes?

  Rob Petrie : That's right. The warden is on the wall right now talking to the convicts. Now if you're not back by the time the convicts grab the priest, you can forget about me.

• Clark Rice : Look, I don't wanna be used to spite someone else. That's what you're doing, isn't it?

  Laura Meehan : No, it isn't.

  Clark Rice : Then why the sniffles?

  Laura Meehan : It's the rain.

  Clark Rice : You sure it's not Petrie?

  Laura Meehan : Well, what's the difference? Rain, Rob, they're both big drips.