Thomas Gibson: Greg Montgomery

Quotes 

• Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery : [explaining why she accepted Donald's invitation to his high school dance]  Come on, Greg! He's only 16 years old, and he's really awkward with girls.

  Greg Montgomery : Well, how's it going to help him to walk into a dance with a tall, blonde... never mind.

  Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery : Plus, I was home schooled. You know, I never got to go to one of these things. It'll be fun!

  Greg Montgomery : Far be it from me to let our marriage get in the way of your dating.

• Donald : [upon seeing Dharma in her dress for the homecoming dance]  Wow.

  Greg Montgomery : [annoyed]  Yeah, "wow."

• [Greg tells Dharma that he persuaded his mother to drop her $1.5 million lawsuit against Dharma's father on the condition that he submit to a binding arbitration hearing at their apartment on Saturday] 

  Greg Montgomery : Oh no, Greg, Saturday's no good. Donald just invited me to the big homecoming dance.

  Greg Montgomery : Well, I hope you said yes, 'cause my life isn't weird enough.

• Greg Montgomery : Mother, I'm not representing you.

  Kitty Montgomery : Well, "thank you for sending me to law school!"

• [At the beginning of an arbitration between Greg's mother Kitty and Dharma's father Larry, with Pete as the arbitrator, Larry begins his opening statement with a reading of the U.S. Constitution and begins to read the Magna Carta] 

  Greg Montgomery : I object!

  Larry Finkelstein : On what grounds?

  Greg Montgomery : On the grounds that you-you, you scared my mother, she fell down, went boom, end of story! Why are you making this so complicated?

  Larry Finkelstein : Your honor, that's not an objection. That's a speech!

  Pete Cavanaugh : That's quite right, Mr. Finkelstein. Objection overruled.

  Greg Montgomery : Uh, permission to approach the bench?

  Pete Cavanaugh : For what purpose?

  Greg Montgomery : To kill you.

  Pete Cavanaugh : Denied. Continue, Mr. Finkelstein.