Clone High (TV Series)

Episode Two: Election Blu-Galoo (2002)

Will Forte: Abe Lincoln, Narrator

Photos 

Quotes 

• Abe Lincoln : Folks, For my next totally outrageous campaign stunt, I will ride this windsurfboard which is connected by a bungee cord to this monster truck, which my friend Gandhi will drive back and forth on this half-pipe. Just like the real Abe Lincoln would have done, had he the tools to do so.

• Cleopatra : Wait. You're named Abe, aren'tcha Abe?

  Abe Lincoln : To the max, Cleo. To the max.

• Gandhi : Hey, turn that frown upside down, Abe. At least it can't get any worse.

  Abe Lincoln : How many times have i told you not to say that? Now something worse is gonna happen. I've seen it on Happy Days. Watch, in 3, 2, 1.

  Cleopatra : Abe, I'm really confused about my feelings right now. I think I just need some time to be alone... with JFK.

  [runs away] 

  Gandhi : Wait! At least it can't get any *better*!

  Abe Lincoln : It doesn't work that way Gandhi.

  [a butterfly holding money flies in front of Gandhi] 

• Marilyn Manson : Next question is for JFK. How do you respond to the criticizm that, unlike Abe and myself, you won't put yourself at risk of physical harm in order to gain approval?

  JFK : That is a uh good question scary androgynous white guy! And I would like to reply by uh taking my shirt off!

  Abe Lincoln : My bare-chested opponent raises a good point but is avoiding the fact that Extreme Blue is mad-packed with all 9 essential nutramites to fortify your x-zone.

  JFK : May I respond to that?

  Marilyn Manson : Yes you may.

  JFK : Abe's a tot muncher!

  Abe Lincoln : Oh yeah? For my rebuttal I'd like to dramatically gesture to this giant death-defying skateboard ramp behind me.

• Abe : You know what hurts the most, Joan? This nail I just stepped on. But there's a metaphorical nail in my other foot that hurts the second most, and it's from you backstabbing me. So maybe instead of the nail metaphor I should have used a stabbing metaphor, but I guess it's too late for that now, isn't it?

  Joan of Arc : I guess it is.