Clerks (TV Series)
The Clipshow Wherein Dante and Randal Are Locked in the Freezer and Remember Some of the Great Moments in Their Lives (2000)
Brian O'Halloran: Dante Hicks
Photos
Quotes
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Dante Hicks : It's funny. Sitting here, waiting to die. You know what I've been thinking about?
Randal Graves : Which one of them we're gonna eat?
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Randal Graves : You know, if this were a sitcom, we'd probably flash back to all our old episodes.
Dante Hicks : Yeah.
Randal Graves : Say, do you remember that time Leonardo Leonardo tried to open that convenience store across the street?
Randal Graves : Oh yes. The convenience store of the future.
Leonardo Leonardo : [Flash back to Leonardo Leonardo] I give you the people of Leonardo, the future.
[Leonardo Leonardo reveals the Quicker Stop]
Dante Hicks : [Back to Dante and Randal in the freezer] I thought we were in trouble for sure.
Randal Graves : Speaking of trouble, how about that time Leonardo had us in his office?
Leonardo Leonardo : [Flashback to Leonardo talking with Dante and Randal] I want to offer you a job working here, for me. I want you lock, stock, and barrel.
Randal Graves : Is this some sort of gay thing?
Leonardo Leonardo : No.
Randal Graves : You're sure?
Leonardo Leonardo : Yyyyess...
Dante Hicks : [Back to Dante and Randal in the freezer] That was the same time.
Randal Graves : What?
Dante Hicks : That was the same time Leonardo Leonardo opened the convenience store across the street.
Randal Graves : Right. Well what about the time we broke into his office?
Randal Graves : [Flashback to Dante and Randal looking like they're trying to climb the building] We're almost there.
Dante Hicks : [a flower pot falls and breaks in between where Dante and Randal are standing] Why are walking like this?
[the camera reveals they are walking from right to left instead of climbing up]
Dante Hicks : [Back to Dante and Randal in the freezer] That was also last week.
Randal Graves : So?
Dante Hicks : So a lot more has happened to us than just last week.
Randal Graves : Oh yeah? Name something.
Dante Hicks : Do you remember the first time we met?
Randal Graves : Oh yeah.
[the same flashback]
Dante Hicks : [Back to Dante and Randal in the frezer] That wasn't the first time we met, that was last week again.
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Dante Hicks : I guess we're not lucky at love or cards.
Randal Graves : Which is why we almost became priests, remember?
Priest : [In a singing voice] Do you novitiates Hicks and Graves, before God and his church, now voluntarily take the solemn vows of obedience, poeverty, cand chastity?
Dante Hicks , Randal Graves : [In a singing voice] We do.
Priest : Then by the powers invested in me by the state of New Jersey, I now pronounce you man and wife.
Dante Hicks , Randal Graves : [Freaking out] What?
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Randal Graves : Do you remember the time she got you to help paint her house?
[while painting the house, Randal sees Caitlin making out with the painter]
Dante Hicks : Nobody's perfect.
Randal Graves : What about the time at your dad's birthday party?
[People singing for Dante's dad]
Dante Hicks : Where's Caitlin?
[Randal sees Caitlin making out with the painter again]
Dante Hicks : I thought it was the weird that she invited the painter to my dad's birthday party.
Randal Graves : And what about that time at the painter's birthday party?
[At the painter's birthday party, Randal sees Caitlin making out with the painter again]
Dante Hicks : I thought it was weird that the painter invited us to his birthday party.
Randal Graves : I rest my case.
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Randal Graves : Do you want to watch a video?
Dante Hicks : Good idea, what do you have.
Randal Graves : Spielberg's latest opus. It combines his nose for commercial properties with is integrity as a chronicler of the Holocaust. Flintstone's List. Liam Neeson is Fred.
Dante Hicks : We're not watching that. Remember the time we watched that?
[Flashback to Dante and Randal watching the movie]
Dante Hicks : [a part of the movie is shown]
Randal Graves : Amistad was much funnier.
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Jerry Seinfeld : Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld.
Dante Hicks : I'm on a break.
Jerry Seinfeld : Why does 2% milk...
Dante Hicks : I said I don't care. Get out.
Gwyneth Paltrow : But I have a membership. Paltrow, Gwyneth.
Randal Graves : I said get out.
Dante Hicks : We're closed. Get out.
Randal Graves : Get the hell out, Scorsese.
Dante Hicks : Screw you, Miss Hepburn.
Randal Graves : Up yours, Matt Damon.
[Randal throws a soda at Matt Damon]
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Jay : Give the guy a break, I remember this one time, me and Silent Bob were on the run.
[Flashback to Jay and Silent Bob running with a sofa into an alley]
Jay : [Jay and Silent Bob notice Caitlin making out with two painters]
Dante Hicks : She was with two painters?
Jay : At the same time?
Dante Hicks : I understand.
Jay : Dude, it was a three way.
Dante Hicks : What do you say we talk about...
Jay : An all painter three way, man.
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Dante Hicks : Boy, it wasn't until years later that we found out what "fag" REALLY meant. Right, "mate"?
Randal Graves : You're a fag.
Dante Hicks : No, a fag's a cigarette, remember?
Randal Graves : You're a cigarette.
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Woman with grocery bag : It's Ted Danson.
Woman with stroller : Hey, it's Ted Danson.
Dante Hicks : Hey, it's Ted Danson...
Randal Graves : It's payback time.
[throws a soda at Ted Danson]
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Randal Graves : Get the hell out, Scorsese.
Dante Hicks : Screw you, Miss Hepburn.
Randal Graves : Up yours, Matt Damon.
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Dante Hicks : Let's make sure, whatever we do, this never happens again.
Randal Graves : You know what this reminds me of? The last time we got locked in a freezer. Remember?
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Dante : We've already made that Star Wars reference...
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Dante Hicks : Oh, Caitlin...
Randal Graves : Caitlin, schmaitlin. She left you an obsessed wreck of a man who works below minimum wage in a convenience store.
Dante Hicks : You work here too.
Randal Graves : At least I have my dignity. And tapes of you having sex with Caitlin.
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Dante Hicks : [in Randall's fantasy sequence] I'm Dante, and I'm the biggest idiot ever!
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Randal Graves : Pssst. They're using all our air.
Dante Hicks : No they're not.
