Cheers (TV Series)
For Real Men Only (1989)
John Ratzenberger: Cliff Clavin
Quotes
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Cliff Clavin : [in comparison to a Jewish bris] The original rites of passage started with the jungle tribes down there in Borneo.
Norm Peterson : Yeah?
Cliff Clavin : When the young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell...
Sam Malone : Oh, no, no, no don't tell me...
Cliff Clavin : ...they would fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres...
Sam Malone : Oh.
Cliff Clavin : ...then they'd take these two big jagged rocks in there...
Norm Peterson : Cliffy, Cliff, Cliff...
Cliff Clavin : ...and bang them together to call in the tribes out of the hills, you know. Then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff...
Sam Malone : Oh, here it comes.
Cliff Clavin : ...and shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it, pretty much, until they dropped, really.
Sam Malone : Oh, wait... When do they circumcize the kid?
Cliff Clavin : What do you mean circumsize? There are no Jews in Borneo, you moolyak.
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Woody Boyd : It's a memory quilt that all the women in my family made for me when I graduated from high school.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, I've heard of these things. A bunch of women get together and embroider patches that string together the happy memories of a young man's life.
Cliff Clavin : So these women were authentic folk artists then, huh?
Woody Boyd : No, just bored housewives.
Woody Boyd : Hey, check this out. See this soft blue square here? This is a piece of my very first baby blanket.
Norm Peterson : Now, what do those little dots signify?
Woody Boyd : Oh, that represents my very first childhood disease: smallpox. I almost died.
Cliff Clavin : Uh, what's that long green thing there?
Woody Boyd : Oh, this is the bean stalk from my very first high school play. I fell off it during the first act, cracked two ribs and punctured a lung. I almost died.
Woody Boyd : Oh, this red patch here represents the big fire that burned down my house when I was six.
Norm Peterson : And what, you almost died?
Woody Boyd : No, I got out. And while I was running away, I fell in this well right here, and I almost...
[pauses]
Woody Boyd : Well, you know.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [about himself] I mean, how can you go back to a room where people think you're a total idiot. I mean, how do you do it, Cliff?
Cliff Clavin : Well, I don't really like to divulge... hey!
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[the bris is over; Cliff and Norm walk out of the pool room]
Cliff Clavin : You know, Norm? I'm glad we went to the ceremony.
Norm Peterson : [Munching on an hors d'oeuvre] Me too, Cliffy. I'm kind of proud of myself, you know? I figure if I could eat through that, I could eat through anything.