Cheers (TV Series)
For Real Men Only (1989)
Ted Danson: Sam Malone
Quotes
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Cliff Clavin : [in comparison to a Jewish bris] The original rites of passage started with the jungle tribes down there in Borneo.
Norm Peterson : Yeah?
Cliff Clavin : When the young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell...
Sam Malone : Oh, no, no, no don't tell me...
Cliff Clavin : ...they would fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres...
Sam Malone : Oh.
Cliff Clavin : ...then they'd take these two big jagged rocks in there...
Norm Peterson : Cliffy, Cliff, Cliff...
Cliff Clavin : ...and bang them together to call in the tribes out of the hills, you know. Then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff...
Sam Malone : Oh, here it comes.
Cliff Clavin : ...and shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it, pretty much, until they dropped, really.
Sam Malone : Oh, wait... When do they circumcize the kid?
Cliff Clavin : What do you mean circumsize? There are no Jews in Borneo, you moolyak.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : God, aren't I a pompous ass.
Sam Malone : No, you're not pompous.
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Sam Malone : [after the bris, walking out of the pool room with a crying Frederick in his arms] It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be fine.
Dr. Frasier Crane : [following Sam, with a crying Lilith in his arms] It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be fine. Say, you know, what do you say next time, we have a girl?
Dr. Lilith Sternin : [whimpering] Mm-hm.
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Rebecca Howe : Corporate wants me to throw some idiotic stupid retirement party for some insignificant middle management nobody.
Sam Malone : You're retiring? Congratulations!
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [Walking into Cheers with Frederick when he is supposed to be having his bris] The bris is off, I've kidnapped my son.
Sam Malone : You kidnapped him? What about the bris?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Sam, I just couldn't go through with it. I mean, I tried to, for tradition and Lilith and all that. But, my God, I'm the boy's father. And that guy was about to give my son one hell of a boo-boo!
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [Talking about Frederick's impending bris, to which everyone has been invited] You know, the ceremony promises to be quite enlightening, too. After all, it's not every day you're ritually circumcised.
Sam Malone : [Alarmed] What?
Dr. Lilith Sternin : Well, that's what a bris is.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes. It's the religious ceremony where the baby is circumcised.
Sam Malone : [Much relieved] Oh, the baby!
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Sam Malone : You got a name for him yet?
Dr. Lilith Sternin : Frederick.
Sam Malone : Hey, all right! Fred, Freddie, the Frederman!
Dr. Lilith Sternin : Frederick.
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[Lilith arrives at the bar with the whole bris party in tow]
Dr. Lilith Sternin : Frasier? Frasier?
Sam Malone : Where is he?
Dr. Lilith Sternin : Where's my husband? Where's my baby?
Norm Peterson : Where's my beer?
Rebecca Howe : They're in the office.
Dr. Lilith Sternin : [Heads toward the office] Dr. Levinson, friends, please just have a seat. I'll just be a minute while I reason with him. Wife to husband. Scientist to scientist.
Dr. Lilith Sternin : [Flings open the office door] Frasier, have you gone completely meshuggenah?
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[the bris is over]
Sam Malone : [Walks out of the pool room cradling a whimpering baby Frederick] It's OK, baby. Everything will be fine.
Dr. Frasier Crane : [Walks out of the pool room carrying a whimpering Lilith] It's Ok, baby. Everything will be fine. Say, you know, what do you say next time we have a girl?
Dr. Lilith Sternin : [Whimpers; nods her assent]