- Paul Mooney: [reviewing "The Last Samurai"] First, they have "The Mexican" with Brad Pitt, now they have "The Last Samurai" with Tom Cruise. Well, I've written a film, maybe they'll produce my film. The Last Nigga on Earth, starring Tom Hanks. How about that?
- Paul Mooney: [reviewing "Barbershop"] You know that's just a front. They sell drugs at the barbershops.
- Ashy Larry: [at the World Series of Dice] Oh man, I need this.
- Leonard Washington: What you need is some chapstick and a set of trousers. Roll the dice, you ashy motherfucker, and let's start the game.
- Leonard Washington: My name's Leonard Washington. Where I'm from? A little town called "None of Your Goddamn Business." Let's play some dice, bitches.
- Paul Mooney: [after being told "Gone With The Wind" was a great movie] You must be on crack. I don't think we seen the same movie. I thought Scarlett was a ho because she went to bed with everybody but Mammy. You know they wouldn't let Mammy go to the premiere? But everybody comes back. She came back as Oprah Winfrey to get her money.
- Robert Petkoff: Welcome to the Marcy Projects, here in Brooklyn, New York. Why are we here?
- Bill Burr: To buy weed?
- Bill Burr: And finally, from these very projects, local legend Ashy Larry. Why do they call him Ashy Larry?
- [the screen shows an ashy man wearing only his underwear]
- Bill Burr: Well, there's your answer.
- Ashy Larry: Ashy Larry. Marcy Projects. Marcy, son! What!