Blackadder the Third (TV Series)

Amy and Amiability (1987)

Roger Avon: The Duke of Cheapside, her father

Quotes 

• Sally Cheapside : Honestly Papa. Ever since mother died you've tried to stop me growing up. I'm not a little , I'm a grown woman. In fact I might as well tell you now Papa: I'm pregnant, and I'm an opium fiend, and I'm in love with a poet named Shelley who's a famous whoopsy, and Mother didn't die, I killed her!

  The Duke of Cheapside : Oh

  [Cheerily] 

  The Duke of Cheapside : well, never mind.

  Blackadder : [Off screen]  Stand and Deliver!

  [the coach starts to pull up] 

  The Duke of Cheapside : Oh no! Oh no no no no no, disaster! It's the shadow. We're doomed, doomed!

  Blackadder : [Draws up outside the carriage window]  Ah good evening Duke, and the lovely Miss Cheapside. Your cash bags please.

  [the Duke hands him a bag of money] 

  Blackadder : There we are.

  The Duke of Cheapside : You'll never get away with this, you scoundrel, you'll be caught and damn well hung!

  Sally Cheapside : [to camera]  I think he looks pretty well...

  Blackadder : Madam, please no jests about me looking pretty well hung already, we have no time.

  Sally Cheapside : Pity.

• Sally Cheapside : Highwayman, I also have a jewel. I fear however that I have placed it here, beneath my petticoats, for protection

  Blackadder : Well in that case madam, I think I'll leave it. I'm not sure I fancy the idea of a jewel that's been in someone's pants. A single kiss of those soft lips is all I require.

  The Duke of Cheapside : Never sir! A man's soft lips are his own private kingdom. I shall defend them with my life.

  Blackadder : I'm not talking to you, Grandad.

  Sally Cheapside : [kisses him long and hard]  Oh, I'm overcome. Take me with you to live the life of the wild rogue, cuddling under haystacks and making love in the branches of tall trees!

  Blackadder : Madam, sadly I must decline. I fear my horse would collapse with you on top of him as well as me!

  Baldrick : [appears next to Blackadder, wearing his harness]  I could try!

  Blackadder : No Quicksilver, you couldn't.

  Baldrick : But that's not fair then. I've had you on my back for ten miles and I haven't even got a kiss out of it.

  Blackadder : Oh alright, very well then.

  [kisses Baldrick] 

  Blackadder : All fair now?

  Baldrick : Not really, no.

  Blackadder : Teh, no pleasing some horses. Hi-ho Quicksilver.

  Baldrick : Neiighh!

  Sally Cheapside : [accusingly]  Papa, you did nothing to defend my honour.

  The Duke of Cheapside : Oh shut your face, you pregnant junky fag-hag!