Blackadder Goes Forth (TV Series)

Goodbyeee (1989)

Hugh Laurie: Lieutenant The Honourable George Colthurst St. Barleigh

Photos 

Quotes 

• Private Baldrick : No, the thing is: The way I see it, these days there's a war on, right? and, ages ago, there wasn't a war on, right? So, there must have been a moment when there not being a war on went away, right? and there being a war on came along. So, what I want to know is: How did we get from the one case of affairs to the other case of affairs?

  Captain Blackadder : Do you mean "How did the war start?"

  Lieutenant George : The war started because of the vile Hun and his villainous empire- building.

  Captain Blackadder : George, the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe, while the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganiki. I hardly think that we can be entirely absolved of blame on the imperialistic front.

  Lieutenant George : Oh, no, sir, absolutely not.

  [aside, to Baldrick] 

  Lieutenant George : Mad as a bicycle!

  Private Baldrick : I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cause he was hungry.

  Captain Blackadder : I think you mean it started when the Archduke of Austro-Hungary got shot.

  Private Baldrick : Nah, there was definitely an ostrich involved, sir.

  Captain Blackadder : Well, possibly. But the real reason for the whole thing was that it was too much effort not to have a war.

  Lieutenant George : By Gum, this is interesting. I always loved history. The Battle of Hastings, Henry VIII and his six knives, all that.

  Captain Blackadder : You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war in Europe, two superblocs developed: us, the French and the Russians on one side, and the Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea was to have two vast opposing armies, each acting as the other's deterrent. That way there could never be a war.

  Private Baldrick : But, this is a sort of a war, isn't it, sir?

  Captain Blackadder : Yes, that's right. You see, there was a tiny flaw in the plan.

  Private Baldrick : What was that, sir?

  Captain Blackadder : It was bollocks.

  Private Baldrick : So the poor old ostrich died for nothing then.

• Lieutenant George : Oh We've survived it, The Great War, From 1914 to 1917.

• Lieutenant George : Will you really? Oh bravo! Yes, jump into the old jalopy and come down and stay in the country, and we can relive the old times.

  Captain Blackadder : What, dig a hole in the garden, fill it with water, and get your gamekeeper to shoot at us all day?

• Captain Blackadder : You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war two great super-armies developed. Us, the Russians and the French on one side, Germany and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea being that each army would act as the other's deterrent. That way, there could never be a war.

  Private Baldrick : Except, this is sort of a war, isn't it?

  Captain Blackadder : That's right. There was one tiny flaw in the plan.

  Lieutenant George : O, what was that?

  Captain Blackadder : It was bollocks.

• [last lines of the series] 

  Captain Darling : Listen. Our guns have stopped.

  Lieutenant George : You don't think...

  Private Baldrick : Maybe the war's over. Maybe it's peace.

  Lieutenant George : Oh, hurrah! The big knobs have got round the table and yanked the iron out of the fire!

  Captain Darling : Thank God! We lived through it! The Great War, 1914 to 1917.

  Soldiers : Hip-hip-hooray!

  Captain Blackadder : I'm afraid not. The guns have stopped because we're about to attack. Not even our generals are mad enough to shell their own men. They think it's far more sporting to let the Germans do it.

  Lieutenant George : So we are, in fact, going over. This is, as they say, it.

  Captain Blackadder : I'm afraid so. Unless I can think of something very quickly.

  Officer : Company! One pace forward!

  [the company steps forward to the ladders] 

  Private Baldrick : Oh, there's a nasty splinter on that ladder, sir, a bloke could hurt himself on that.

  Officer : Stand ready!

  [the company braces] 

  Private Baldrick : I have a plan, sir.

  Captain Blackadder : Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?

  Private Baldrick : Yes, sir.

  Captain Blackadder : As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?

  Private Baldrick : Yes, sir.

  Officer : On the signal, company will advance!

  Captain Blackadder : Well, I'm afraid it'll have to wait. Whatever it was, I'm sure it was better than my plan to get out of this by pretending to be mad. I mean, who would've noticed another madman round here?

  [whistles blow in the distance] 

  Captain Blackadder : Good luck, everyone.

  [Blackadder blows his whistle, and the company charges] 

• Lieutenant George : You know, I won't half miss you chaps after the war.

  Private Baldrick : Don't worry, Lieutenant; I'll come visit you.

  Lieutenant George : Will you really? Oh bravo! Yes, jump into the old jalopy and come down and stay in the country, and we can relive the old times.

  Captain Blackadder : What, dig a hole in the garden, fill it with water, and get your gamekeeper to shoot at us all day?

• Lieutenant George : Captain Darling said they'd be along directly, but, well, you'd better be damn doolally.

  Captain Blackadder : Don't worry, George; I am. When they get here, I'll show them what 'totally and utterly bonkeroonie' means. Fwaf! Until then, we've got bugger-all to do except sit and wait.

  Lieutenant George : Well, I don't know, sir - we could, er, we could have a jolly game of charades!

  Private Baldrick : Ooh, yes!

  Lieutenant George : And a singalong of musical hits like "Birmingham Bertie" and "Whoops, Mrs Miggins, You're Sitting On My Artichokes."

  Captain Blackadder : Yes, I think bugger-all might rather be more fun.

• Lieutenant George : Oh, dash and blast all this hanging about, sir! I'm as bored as a pacifist pistol. When are we going to see some action?

  Captain Blackadder : Well, George, I strongly suspect that your long wait for certain death is nearly at an end. Surely you must have noticed something in the air...

  Lieutenant George : Well, yes, of course, but I thought that was Private Baldrick.