The Benny Hill Show (TV Series)

Show 27 (1976)

Benny Hill: Self, Various

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marshal Sam McCloud : Sgt. Pepper, I know everything.

  Sgt. 'Pepper' Anderson : Everything?

  Marshal Sam McCloud : Yes, Sgt. Pepper, I know everything.

  Sgt. 'Pepper' Anderson : Oh sir, sir, I'm not really immoral. It's just that I can't say no to a man in uniform. I mean, I'm not a nymphomaniac. At least, I don't think I am. It's just that smoking makes me feel sexy. I mean, every time I have a cigarette, I just want to grab the nearest man and tear all my clothes off.

  Marshal Sam McCloud : Now don't you worry about a thing. It's all right, dear Sgt. Pepper. You go to your compartment and sit down. I'll be along in a minute. In the meantime,

  [pulls a long cigar out of his jacket] 

  Marshal Sam McCloud : like to smoke that?

  [Sgt. Pepper leaves] 

  Marshal Sam McCloud : Well I never did, but I sure as hell am going to!

• Safari Banny : She said to me, "Last week, big silver bird land in jungle." Isn't that a lovely description of an aeroplane, big silver bird? I said, "What was it like?" She said, "A little bit like lobster. You can't eat the shell, but the meat's gorgeous."

• Safari Benny : He married one of these little pigmy girls, about three feet tall. I didn't like her very much. She was always sticking her nose in other people's business.

• Safari Benny : I said, "How did you find this little pigmy girl in this tall jungle grass?" And he said, "Pretty damn good."

• Hercule Poirot : Stealing, robbery, burglary, shiplofting and pockpicketing, er, shoplifting and pickpocketing. Not to mention man's laughter.

  Marshal Sam McCloud : Man's laughter?

  Hercule Poirot : I said not to mention man's laughter!

• Marshal Sam McCloud : Why, I remember one time I followed a platinum blonde in a long black gown for four blocks before I found out it was a high court judge. My case comes up next Friday.

• Frank Cannon : [trying to squeeze past Sgt. Pepper in the narrow corridor]  I haven't been so embarrassed since I was with the president's daughter, examining her magnificent pair of bristols, er, pistols. A streaker ran across the white house lawn. Well, they had to convene a special assize court for him. And the things she said about him!

  Sgt. 'Pepper' Anderson : What a size?

  Frank Cannon : I don't think she said *that*.

• Lt. Kojak : Hey Meathead, tell him what's written on the barrel of your gun.

  Stavros : It says, uh, "Hold by the other end."

• Frank Cannon : Looks like I'm either gonna starve to death or die of ecstacy.

  Sgt. 'Pepper' Anderson : I'm sorry about this. I hope you won't hold it against me.

  Frank Cannon : [under his breath]  That's exactly what I am doing.

  Sgt. 'Pepper' Anderson : The pleasure was all mine.

  Frank Cannon : Don't you believe it.

• Marshal Sam McCloud : Cannon, I know everything.

  Frank Cannon : You know everything?

  Marshal Sam McCloud : Yes, Cannon, everything.

  Frank Cannon : Well, McCloud, I mean, see it my way. I mean, you were away and your wife was lonely. I was lonely and we were sexually attracted to each other, 'cause she's a very attractive woman. She's big, God, she's big.

  Marshal Sam McCloud : Cannon, I have to! But you?

• Marshal Sam McCloud : Baraby Jones, I know everything.

  Barnaby Jones : Everything? You know everything?

  Marshal Sam McCloud : Yes, old timer, I know everything.

  Barnaby Jones : My son! My son, my little baby boy.

  Marshal Sam McCloud : Oh, sheep dip!

• Ironside : Say, Mark, do have any lighter parts.

  Mark Sanger : No, chief, I'm the same color all over.

• Marshal Sam McCloud : Why, I remember one time in New York, we had a feller rob a bank, didn't leave no fingerprints nor nuthin'. He got clean away with over a half a million dollars in used notes. On the way to the getaway car, he got mugged.

• Marshal Sam McCloud : Remember my old sheriff, he used to say shoot first and ask questions afterwards. Though he didn't get many answers that way.