- Mitch Buchannon: [voice-over] I believe destiny always leads to trouble. I don't mean destiny as in fate, or the future. I mean a slightly bubbleheaded person named Destiny Desimone. Garner and I got a panicky call from her as we finished an all night stakeout. This time, Destiny did have something to do with fate. As in fatal.
- Destiny Desimone: It was my bad karma, not Mitch's.
- Garner Ellerbee: Yeah, but why did your bad karma have to rip my new jacket?
- Mitch Buchannon: You're talkin' about a ripped jacket? I'm bleedin' to death here.
- Garner Ellerbee: Man, that's a flesh wound. It'll mend, this won't.
- Mitch Buchannon: [voice-over] Twenty years as a lifeguard teaches you to recognize people in trouble. I knew the second I saw her she was drowning, even though she wasn't even in the water.
- Lou Raymond: My man, what's happenin' with the threads? You're lookin' good!
- Mitch Buchannon: [laughs] Man thinks he's Shaft.
- Lou Raymond: You mean he's a bad mother
- Mitch Buchannon: Shut your mouth, he's a complicated man.
- Lou Raymond: [singing] And nobody understands him but his woman.
- Mitch Buchannon: Nobody understands him, period.
- Garner Ellerbee: Except you, Mitch, which is why we're partners.
- Mitch Buchannon: I knew there had to be a reason, John Shaft.
- Mitch Buchannon: Wow! Is this a great place to live or what? Look at that view. And look at that sad face. You're killin' me! What do you want?
- Ryan McBride: Preferably something that doesn't roll off the cliff during an earthquake!
- Mitch Buchannon: Come on, come on and look at this! This place is rock solid!
- [He hits the trailer's door and watches the handle fall off]
- Ryan McBride: [sighs] Then you live here.
- Mitch Buchannon: Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what a lot like this costs? A half a million, million bucks, maybe two!
- Ryan McBride: It's a trailer park!
- Mitch Buchannon: It's a trailer park in Malibu, kid.