- Capt. Barney Miller: Unfortunately, Dietrich, we're not all blessed with your certainty. So if you don't mind, I'm afraid we're all just going to have to muddle through it with all our questions and our doubts.
- Yemana: [takes out a bagful of evidence] He had this stuffed in his briefcase.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Handcuffs, mace? A blackjack?
- Howard Gabriel: That's the first rule of teaching: get their respect.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Mr. Gabriel, I would imagine there are better ways of establishing rapport with one's class.
- Howard Gabriel: What do you want? Do you want me to go in there like that Kotter on TV, armed only with my wit?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Mr. Gabriel...
- Howard Gabriel: If I told them jokes like he did, they would cut my heart out with their little pencils!
- Howard Gabriel: Oh God, how I hate that show!
- Howard Gabriel: [singing part of the 'Welcome Back, Kotter' theme] "Welcome back, welcome back..."
- Howard Gabriel: You want to know how they welcomed back Mr. Blaine, the librarian? Blew up his car!