- Philip Owens: I just resent the fact that I was lied to.
- Capt. Barney Miller: [skeptical] Well... "lied"...
- Philip Owens: He told me there was a question of treaty involved.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Well... perhaps Sergeant Wojciehowicz was just confused about the legalities of the situation.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Yeah... I mean... That's right! I was confused!
- Philip Owens: Never heard that said with such pride before.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: You could point to every item in the Sears catalogue, and somebody somewhere wants to sleep with it.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Mr. Owens, does not the Bureau have some facilities?... A hospital... a...
- Philip Owens: On the reservation, yes - but out here, he's just like everyone else with that kind of problem. Now, what do *you* do with those people?
- Capt. Barney Miller: We ship them to Bellevue.
- Philip Owens: He's entitled to that same privilege.
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: It's an Indian belief that the center of the universe is wherever you are at any time. Unless you're in Jersey.
- Philip Owens: Captain, I was brought down here under false pretenses. I don't know if you people at the municipal level...
- Capt. Barney Miller: Mr. Owens, will you step into my office for a moment?
- Philip Owens: Captain , I'm sincerely sorry that there isn't more I could have done.
- Capt. Barney Miller: I'm sure you are.
- Philip Owens: There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that I want to for those people.
- Capt. Barney Miller: I can appreciate that.
- Philip Owens: With budget cuts, government rollbacks, political pressure... well, you know how it is.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Thank you, Mr. Owens.