- Jack Norrell: Yeah, they we're going to call you, but I told them not to
- Capt. Barney Miller: Oh ?
- Jack Norrell: Well, I felt, better you hear it from me than some stranger.
- Det. Ron Harris: Have we met ?
- Jack Norrell: Not really ? Anyways, the place will be in escrow for the next thirty day. You guys don't have to pack right now
- Capt. Barney Miller: That's, very considerate of you
- Jack Norrell: Sure, in the meantime, I'll be poppin' in and out now and then. But, I'll try to keep out of your hair. I mean, after all, this is a police station. Do you mind if I use my bathroom ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Go right ahead
- Jack Norrell: Thanks
- Capt. Barney Miller: Sir, It's just that the men downstairs are getting a bit anxious
- Capt. Barney Miller: Levitt, the point is there is no point in dwelling on what's going to happen or not going to happen. Whatever's going to happen, is going to happen .
- Officer Carl Levitt: May I quote you on that ?... .Apparently, fear has loosen my tongue
- Capt. Barney Miller: Apparently
- Capt. Barney Miller: Yes, its true, the building has been sold and if everything goes according to schedule we will have to vacate in thirty days
- Wilma Kestner: Does it mean, we can plea-bargain ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Why don't we see if we can process you first, then we'll see to it that... you can arrange bail
- Inspector Frank Luger: Ah, Inspector
- Capt. Barney Miller: Hey Barney
- Inspector Frank Luger: I take it, you heard about the building
- Inspector Frank Luger: Huh? Yeah, yeah, Barn, thought had occurred to me that I haven't been around in a while, so I thought I'd stop by and invite my favorite Deputy Inspector to lunch.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Look, they haven't made the promotions announcements yet
- Inspector Frank Luger: Yeah, that may very well be Barney , it appears to me that the competition is dwindling down to a precious few.
- Det. Ron Harris: Hello, Sergeant Harris
- Det. Ron Harris: Ah, Perlita, what a pleasant surprise
- Perlita Avilar: Thank you
- Det. Ron Harris: Has the Inspector been hiding you someplace
- Perlita Avilar: Not all the time
- Det. Ron Harris: Are you having a stroke, Inspector ?
- Inspector Frank Luger: No, it just happen to be Filipino Tagalog talk
- Det. Ron Harris: Oh !
- Inspector Frank Luger: What I said was "Good morning, you all". I picked it up from tagging around with that little Phillie of mine from Manille..
- Capt. Barney Miller: Levitt, you know, the department has indicated that if and when the building is sold we will all be relocated
- Inspector Frank Luger: That's fine with me too. You want take that attitude, why don't you ooze on back to Luzon. I'll mail-order out for another one of you.
- Capt. Barney Miller: I think I'll pass Inspector
- Inspector Frank Luger: Fine, I'll eat alone. Use to it. I'll like it.
- Det. Ron Harris: This day is shaping up nicely.
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Look, the point is, everything I'm doing here is legal and above board and designed to enlighten and educate restaurateurs, merchants, and everybody else whose had it up to here with getting ripped off.
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Look I don't know what their talking about. Anyway, it's my word against theirs. So, unless you guys have something to charge me with, I am going back to the Institute because I got essays to grade.
- Capt. Barney Miller: You want to have a seat, Professor ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: All right, Wojo, get his statement.
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Hey, come on, what are you... I'm not doing anything wrong here. I'm helping people
- Capt. Barney Miller: By teaching them to steal
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: By teaching them to survive. I'm mean, what are they going to do. I'm mean, people can't even get a job these days. Let alone credit. You want them to starve
- Capt. Barney Miller: Professor...
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Or would they rather have them going out on the street clubbing each other over the head for a loaf of bread or a couple of stinkin' bucks. I'm educating people here pal. Getting people to use their brains not their fists. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Book'em
- Capt. Barney Miller: All right ladies, I'm going to give you a Desk Appearance Ticket, and release you on your recognizance
- Wilma Kestner: What does that mean ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: That means we trust you and think we can count on you for your cooperation
- Estelle Bobus: For what ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: For your testimony, for when Professor Thorndyke comes to trial. And your promise, not to pull a fool stunt like that again.
- Wilma Kestner: Oh, don't worry, we learned our lesson
- Estelle Bobus: Oh, Crime doesn't pay
- Estelle Bobus: We're sorry about this Professor
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Hey, wait a minute, Bobus and Kestner, Right ?
- Estelle Bobus: Right
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: You know, the check the two of you gave me for tuition. It bounced.
- Wilma Kestner: We thought you would be pleased.
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Here you go ladies
- Wilma Kestner: Thank you very much Captain
- Estelle Bobus: Your a very considerate and attractive person
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Why don't we have dinner some night ?
- Wilma Kestner: Estelle
- Estelle Bobus: Did you hear ?
- Wilma Kestner: I heard
- Estelle Bobus: Did you hear? He asked me to dinner? Do you think he meant it?
- Wilma Kestner: I don't know if he meant it and I don't know...
- Perlita Avilar: I'm leaving
- Capt. Barney Miller: I understand
- Perlita Avilar: And in case, I don't see you again. I would like to thank you for all your kindness, consideration and the nice letter
- Capt. Barney Miller: Don't mention it
- Inspector Frank Luger: Perlita, what I'm saying is , since your arrival in our fair city, I think we enjoyed a lot of pleasant moments together.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo, don't you have things to do ?
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Yeah, but why the hell bother ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo !
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Barn, these guys come breezin' in here, acting like they own the damn world, like we're the one getting in the way. You might as well chuck the whole right now, and just go sit out on the street
- Capt. Barney Miller: My office.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: What's that going to accomplish ?
- Det. Ron Harris: Barn, he's got a point
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: I got dibs on the curb
- Capt. Barney Miller: Come on, it's just a building. And a damn lousy one at that. I mean, we... we sweat like pigs in the summertime, freeze our tails off in the winter. I got a bathroom that is an embarrassment. The roof leaks. You really want my opinion, we should have been out of here years ago.
- Joseph Saxon: Roof, huh ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: All right, it's been home, we've done some fine work here. But, they can't take that away from us. What would be so terrible if we... we moved to some nicer quarters ? Someplace with a... electric typewriters. With a bathroom that is a bathroom. A window that actually looks out on something. What would be so terrible ? The point is, what's the difference where we work, as long as we're working together ?
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: I hear they got a Mr. Coffee over at Manhattan South .
- Capt. Barney Miller: Oh, there you go. Why don't you grab yourself a cup, when you drop off the professor there. You can head on home from there.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Thanks Barney
- Capt. Barney Miller: You guys too, it's almost check-out time you go ahead on home.
- Det. Ron Harris: Thank you Barney
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: I feel better
- Jack Norrell: Listen Captain, I think we will be heading out to. We're going take a look at that roof... hey, nice speech
- Capt. Barney Miller: Thank you
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: You know, he's right, this place is in a lot of trouble
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Leave it alone
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: If it's a matter of a deed, low interest...
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Leave it alone
- Det. Ron Harris: Barn, Arthur and I are going to stop for a bite, do you want to join us
- Capt. Barney Miller: No, I have some paperwork to finish up
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Better hurry
- Capt. Barney Miller: Good Night
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: See you, Barn
- Det. Ron Harris: Good Night, Barney
- Capt. Barney Miller: Come on Woj, in the last month, a hundred people have been traipsing through this place and nobody's bought it yet
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: That doesn't mean that someone won't
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Ha,Ha... . Not on their terms... . They're asking for 30 % and wouldn't carry a shred of paper... . I was going to let you guys stay.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Checked with General Services, they confirmed. Mr. Norrell, is the new owner of the 12th precinct.
- Capt. Barney Miller: What can I do for you, Mr. Norrell ?
- Jack Norrell: I would like you to meet Joseph Saxon, my architect
- Joseph Saxon: Oh my God !
- Capt. Barney Miller: Mr. Saxon
- Jack Norrell: I thought I would bring him around, show him what we are up against ?