Babylon 5 (TV Series)

Ceremonies of Light and Dark (1996)

Harlan Ellison: Sparky the Computer

Quotes 

• Sparky the Computer : Oh, not that my feelings would have any meaning for you, but why are you having these people poke me all over the place. I'm a perfectly reasonable Artificial Personality. Nobody's ever complained before, but I guess some people just aren't happy unless they're messing it up for everyone else. You know, you really should stand up straight. Your mother and I have been worried about this for years. We've been trying to talk to you about it but...

  [Garabaldi draws his gun and shoots the speaker] 

• [Garabaldi has reset the command codes and rebooted the computer] 

  Cmdr. Susan Ivanova : God, I hate this part. I'm always afraid I've broken something.

  Michael Garabaldi : It'll be fine. I've done this before.

  [the computer restarts] 

  Michael Garabaldi : Ah, Told ya. Computer

  [pause] 

  Michael Garabaldi : Computer?

  Sparky the Computer : Hey, what do you want?

  Michael Garabaldi : Run diagnostics.

  Sparky the Computer : What, you got a broken arm or something? I got a station to run here!

  Cmdr. Susan Ivanova : Computer.

  Sparky the Computer : I know, do a diagnostic. So, maybe Level 42 doesn't get its quota of oxygen today because I'm distracted, but if it makes you happy!

  Michael Garabaldi : Stop!

  Cmdr. Susan Ivanova : Garabaldi?

  Michael Garabaldi : I just remembered, they tried to install Artificial Intelligence subroutines when the station went operational. They shut it down right away because it didn't work right. Must have come back on-line when the system re-booted.

  Cmdr. Susan Ivanova : Great! How do we shut it down?

  Sparky the Computer : I heard that! Are you two easily offended, or what?

• Sparky the Computer : You know, you look very stressed. This is not good. Hey, how about something to eat? Maybe a nice piece of briskit? Go suck an orange!

  Michael Garabaldi : Would somebody please fix this thing before I go out of my mind!