- Tommy Solomon: Wow! Wow! Wow! What's with the new shoes?
- Sally Solomon: They ain't new. I got 'em four hours ago!
- Mr. Barnes: [about the US Citizenship Test Dick Solomon wants to skip] I don't think you understand. Why don't you take these study materials and just come back when you're ready?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: No, no, I'm ready now. I've lied on my tax returns, I've been arrested and I don't vote. I'm a true American. Test me now!
- Mr. Barnes: Okay. Question 1: How is the President of the United States elected?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Now, I know this. He - or she... yeah, right... is chosen on the basis of how physically attractive they are and their definition of adultery. And it doesn't hurt to know Barbra Streisand.