Memorable quotes for
Scoop (2006) More at IMDbPro »

[repeated line]
Sid Waterman: I love you, really. With all due respect, you're a beautiful person. You're a credit to your race.

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Sid Waterman: 16 blue ponies, 21 jetplanes, and 12 spinning midgets.

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Joe Strombel: Peter Lyman is the Tarot Card Killer!

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Sid Waterman: I was born into the Hebrew persuasion, but when I got older I converted to narcissism

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[first lines]
Funeral Speaker: Don't mourn Joe Strumble.

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[last lines]
Sid Waterman: Go ahead, sweetheart. I love you, sweetheart.

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Sondra Pransky: Look, I can't just go up to him and say, "Hi, how are you?" I mean, it would make him suspicious. So, you know - anything - he gets... put off or...
Sid Waterman: Drown!
Sondra Pransky: What?
Sid Waterman: Drown! Drown! I'll go get co-, I'll go get co...
Sondra Pransky: [shakes her head] Ach...
Sid Waterman: Listen to me! I'll go get coffee, you get a cramp. Go into the water, flounder around, you know...
Sondra Pransky: [sighs] Ahh...
Sid Waterman: Yes! Go ahead, sweetheart. That's, that's a great idea. He'll oblige to save you that way and if he doesn't, you know, then I'll notify your parents.

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Sid Waterman: I don't need to work out. My anxiety acts as aerobics.

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Sondra Pransky: You are a cynical crapehanger who always see the glass half-empty!
Sid Waterman: No, you're wrong. I see the glass half full, but of poison.

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[From trailer]
Sid Waterman: The man is a liar and a murderer, and I say that with all due respect.

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[From trailer]
Sondra Pransky: This guy is a serial killer! He could just kill at any moment!
Sid Waterman: Yeah, I heard that part. That's when I knew I was gonna make other plans.

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[From trailer]
Joe Strombel: This'll be the biggest story to hit London since Jack the Ripper.
Sondra Pransky: Jack the Ripper. Is that capitalized?

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[From trailer]
Sondra Pransky: What are you going to tell the police? "The guy owns a deck of tarot cards...” that's not a crime!

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[From trailer]
Sondra Pransky: I'm a would-be investigative reporter who has fallen in love with the object of her investigation.

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Sid Waterman: We need to put our heads together.
Sondra Pransky: If we put OUR heads together, it would make a hollow sound.

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Sid Waterman: You're a pretty girl. You know, I think you could probably get this guy to get interested in you.
Sondra Pransky: Oh, you're silly...
Sid Waterman: Yeah, particularly if he's got a twisted mind.

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Sondra Pransky: How can we meet him?
Sid Waterman: You know, I don't know... They have a class system. He's an aristocrat and, you know, we're... we're commoners. In fact according to his system, we're... I think we're probably classified as scum.

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Sid Waterman: This guy is a serial-killer like I play for the New York Jets.

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Sid Waterman: I was in the lounge, I heard you drowning, I finished my tea and scones and came immediately!

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Sondra Pransky: What are you putting in your metamucil?

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Sid Waterman: You know not everything in the world is sinister... just practically everything.

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Sid Waterman: Not everything in this world is sinister... just practically everything.
Sondra Pransky: Ugh... the Indian food made me sick.
Sid Waterman: What? You barely touched your cobra salad, how can you be sick?

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Sid Waterman: Oh yes, she can't swim. She sinks like a stone! It's a family trait, actually, lack of buoyancy. Her siblings suffer from it too.

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Man: So what do you do, Mr. Spence?
Sid Waterman: Real estate.
[stutters, double take]
Sid Waterman: Uh, I mean, oil. I WAS in real estate, but now I'm in oil. I mean, now land is getting hard to come by... especially... outdoors.

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Sondra Pransky: [to Sid] Stop telling people I sprang from your loins!

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Sid Waterman: Actually, I bought my first Reubens with my poker winnings.
Garden Party Guest: You bought a Rubens painting?
[stunned]
Sid Waterman: Oh, oh, no. Not a painting. A reuben sandwich.

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Peter Lyman: You take after your father.
Sondra Pransky: [sarcastically] Great.

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Sid Waterman: This guy must be some lover if you're ready to drop the whole investigation! I must find out what breakfast cereal he eats...

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Sondra Pransky: Get this - Peter's mother, Lady Eleanor, had dark brunette shoulder-length hair.
Sid Waterman: But she's not a hooker?
Sondra Pransky: [pause] No, Sid, she's not a hooker! God, honestly, sometimes I wonder about what goes on in that brain of yours!

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Sondra Pransky: Dad, I need to talk to you. Right now.
[serious]
Sid Waterman: Right now, sweetie? I was just about to pull some quarters out of Mrs. Quincy's nose!

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Peter Lyman: What's wrong? Are you crying?
Sondra Pransky: No, I'm too tough to cry. My nasal passages do get congested when I'm sad, though.

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Sondra Pransky: [Peter told them he'd be out of town but then they spotted him across the street] I just can't believe he lied to me!
Sid Waterman: Maybe he's just doing something he's ashamed of, like maybe he belongs to these clubs where he dresses up as a crossdresser, or maybe he does folk dancing!

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Sid Waterman: You're alone up there with a very, very dangerous man! That's two "very's"!

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Sondra Pransky: I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to marry him someday.
Sid Waterman: You come from an orthodox family, would they accept a serial killer?

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Sondra Pransky: Why would Peter kill a prostitute?
Sid Waterman: Because it looks bad on his resume!

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Sid Waterman: I don't know what you've been smoking, but don't try to bring it through customs.

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Sondra Pransky: Why don't you think about this as adding some excitement to your life?
Sid Waterman: Sweeheart, excitement in my life is dinner without heartburn after it.

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Peter Lyman: I just can't get the vision of you in your swimsuit out of my head.
Sondra Pransky: Oh I'm glad you liked it! It was marked down!

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Sid Waterman: Well did you accomplish anything besides a possible pregnancy?

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Sid Waterman: They'll take us to the Tower of London and behead us!

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Sid Waterman: What about Indian food, do you like spicy food?
Sondra Pransky: No, no, it's OK, I don't have that much of an appetite.
Sid Waterman: But you will, when they bring out the prawns in hydrochloric acid...

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Sondra Pransky: Do you have a family?
Sid Waterman: I had a wife but sh... she dumped me if you can believe that.
Sondra Pransky: Somehow...
Sid Waterman: She thought I was immature and that I never grew up... I had a great rebuttal for her, I coulda nailed her, you know, but uh... I raised my hand, she would *not* call on me.

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Sid Waterman: You're the daughter I never had.
Sondra Pransky: [touched] Oh, Sidney...
Sid Waterman: No, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Cause I never wanted to have kids. I didn't because you have kids... what is it? You know you're nice to them... you bring them up... you suffer... y-you take care of them... and then they grow up and... and... and they accuse... uh... you of having Alzheimer's.

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Sondra Pransky: I think it's time that we show my story to a real journalist.
Sid Waterman: What do you mean, a real journalist?
Sondra Pransky: One that's living.

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Sid Waterman: Geez, if I ever catch that Joe Strombel, I'll kill him.

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Sid Waterman: I was raised Jewish, but then I switched to narcissism.

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Sondra Pransky: He asked me to go dancing with him.
Sid Waterman: That's perfect strategy. You worm your way in like a rodent or a roach, and as the crumbs fall off the table, you collect them and we analyze them.

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Sondra Pransky: [Speaking of the ghost] Look, the spirit appeared next to me. at first I thought he was one of your stooges.
Sid Waterman: I don't work with stooges. You know, because you gotta pay them health benefits.

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