Help (2005– )
Paul Whitehouse: Various Characters
Quotes
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Gary : Whatever.
Peter : Okay. And the other thing that I -
Gary : Whatever!
Peter : That I absolutely insist on -
Gary : My niece does that. "Loser, loner, whatever - minger!"
Peter : Right, the other thing that I -
Gary : She's only six!
Peter : Gosh, really. The other thing that I absolutely insist on...
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Peter : And I say to you, I say: Tell me, kind sir -
John Hardacre : Hail!
Peter : Yes, hail -
John Hardacre : Well met, sir knight!
Peter : Yeah, all right, and I say to you: In this brave new world, what line of work are you in? What do you do for a, you know, what's your bloody job?
John Hardacre : And what do I say?
Peter : You answer him, John.
John Hardacre : Well, he wouldn't know what a TV chef was!
Peter : TV chef.
John Hardacre : He'd know what a chef was.
Peter : TV chef.
John Hardacre : But he wouldn't know what a TV was. Can I pick you up on something?
Peter : Yeah.
John Hardacre : A fletcher, I think, makes arrows, not crossbows.
Peter : Yeah, whatever.
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Peter : All word association is, is I say a word and then you say the first word that comes into your head. Okay?
Mind Invader : Bum.
Peter : No, not yet.
Mind Invader : Oh.
Peter : I say a word first, then you.
Mind Invader : Then I say the first word that comes into my head. Yes.
Peter : Exactly. Okay. Ready? River.
Mind Invader : River.
Peter : Yeah.
Mind Invader : Yeah. That was the first word that came into my head.
Peter : Okay. That's the word I said.
Mind Invader : Oh, well, that's probably why, then.
Peter : Okay. It should be a word that you associate with the word I said. That's why it's called word association. Okay? It's what that word makes you think of.
Mind Invader : Yeah. Okay.
Peter : Ready? Death.
Mind Invader : Death. ...That's what it makes me think of! You know, I mean, I hear the word death, I think of death. I can't help it.
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Hypnosis Client : I'm completely in your hands.
Peter : Well, that's what hypnosis is all about - trust.
Hypnosis Client : Okay.
Peter : Now, I prefer to describe it as guided meditation.
Hypnosis Client : Right.
Peter : People have been doing this for thousands of years, and I think you'll find the results really can be quite astonishing.
Hypnosis Client : Good, well, just tell me what to do, and, er...
Peter : Okay. Just get comfortable in your chair and close your eyes. Now, let your breathing become very regular-
Hypnosis Client : Wow! That is amazing!
Peter : No, hang on-
Hypnosis Client : It's just incredible!
Peter : We haven't actually started-
Hypnosis Client : It's huge! It's like a huge dome!
Peter : Right.
Hypnosis Client : That'll be the inside of my head, I suppose.
Peter : This really isn't going to work if you keep interrupting.