In Search of Santa (2003 Video)

Kathleen Barr: Agonysia, Mrs. Claus, Queen Penelope, Katie, Marcus, Mimi

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the Terribly Deep Thinkers, in their own cave in Royal Rookery Rock, is talking through Santa's Magic Looking Glass in his city in the North Pole] 

  Agonysia : They sign the declaration tomorrow.

  Derridommis : Then we'll be heirs to the throne.

  Mortmottimes : [Cackles]  We outwitted them all.

  Derridommis : Thanks to our superior intellect.

  Agonysia : Nothing can stop us now, distinguished colleagues. Nothing!

  [They laugh at each other] 

  Princess Crystal : [Cut to Crystal and Lucinda in Santa's castle in his city]  We must go home and stop them.

  Princess Lucinda : Agreed.

• Mortmottimes : Yesterday's cake fiasco is the talk of the colony.

  Queen Penelope : I assure you, Lord Mortmottimes, in a week the incident shall be forgotten.

  [In the middle of her sentence, Lucinda and her maids from one fo the columns] 

• Mrs. Claus : Every elf, reindeer and toy knows of your great adventure.

• [Mortmottimes is cranking the handle to rise the birdcage with the trapped Princesses Crystal and Lucinda inside] 

  Agonysia : Nyah! Where's your Santa now, Crystal?

  Princess Crystal : You're not smart!

  Mortmottimes : What?

  Princess Crystal : You just use big words to hide small thoughts.

• Eugene : [offscreen; Interrupting the start of the Terribly Deep Thinkers' signing of the "Lost at Sea" document]  Wait!

  [Eugene comes in as the penguin crowd is gasping and murmuring] 

  Eugene : I wish to say a few words of remembrance.

  King Calvin : Proceed, fool

  Agonysia : Oh! Do be brief

  Eugene : Most of you knew Princess Crystal as future queen. But she was also my best friend.

  [Crystal's maids and Philip crys, as with the rest of the crowd] 

• [Derridommis holds the "Lost the Sea" document, in which King Calvin already signed his three signatures, to Queen Penelope. Agonysia holds Mortmottimes' feather from his beard] 

  Queen Penelope : Oh, what's all this fine print then?

  Agonysia : It just means, should anything happen to you or the king, we, the Terribly Deep Thinkers, take over

  Mortmottimes : Sign on the dotted line, please.

  [Penelope sadly grabs Mortmottimes' feather, then turns at her King, who, silently, sighs] 

• Eugene : [Grabs the compass that he gave to Crystal, almost a year ago, from Pup's mouth]  This is a message from Princess Crystal. She's alive!

  [the crowd, including The Terribly Deep Thinkers, King Calvin & Queen Penelope, and the Gaurds, gasp] 

  Eugene : I gave this to her.

  Agonysia : And it's probably all that's left of her after this savage seal gobbled her.

  Eugene : I'm no marine biologist, but this seal is just a pup.

  [Pup turns his around] 

  Mortmottimes : Your Majesties, we-we - we must keep clesr heads in this time of great grief.

  Derridommis : As much as we might wish to believe Princess Crystal and Lucinda are still alive, we must be brave and carry on.

  Agonysia : [Holds up the "Lost in Sea" document, in which it has one more signature left for Queen Penelope]  Her Majesty must finish her signature.

  Eugene : No! Crystal's here!

  [Pups starts barking and heading toward to the cave, where Princess Crystal is] 

  Eugene : And the seal knows where.

  [Pup is still barking as he leaves] 

  Queen Penelope : Follow the seal.

  [Every penguin in Royal Rookery Rock starts to follow Pup] 

• [Pup leads every penguin in Royal Rookery Rock to follow to where the Princesses are] 

  Agonysia : Who are you going to trust - our most dreaded predator or us?

  King Calvin : Button your beak, Agonysia!

• Princess Crystal : Mother!

  Princess Lucinda : Father!

  King Calvin : Lucinda!

  Queen Penelope : Crystal!

  Princess Crystal : Eugene!

  Eugene : Princess!

  Princess Lucinda : Phillip.

  Phillip : Lucy?

  [Calvin, Penelope and the rest of the crowd turn toward the Terribly Deep Thinkers] 

  King Calvin : Deep Thinkers!

  [the Deep Thinkers stops and turns around toward the crowd. Agonysia drops the "Lost at Sea" document] 

• [Nighttime on Christmas Eve. The banished Terribly Deep Thinkers stands on a glacier] 

  Agonysia : Banished.

  Mortmottimes : Oh, well.

  Derridommis : Nothing lasts forever.

  Mortmottimes : Except forever. Philosophically speaking.

• [From the nightsky, the sleigh bells is jingling in the above distance] 

  Agonysia : Gaah! What's that infernal sound?

  [Mortmottimes grabs out his hearing device] 

  Agonysia : [In the nightsky, Santa Claus in his sleigh, powered by eight reindeers using his magic flying dust, loaded with toys passes by the full moon with the clouds enveloping, and turns around to pass by us] 

  Santa Claus : Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

  Agonysia : Merry Christmas indeed!

  [Just like Crystal did it last year, the sleigh bell falls from the sky and bonks Agonysia; Agonyisia shakes her head before fading to black] 

• Agonysia : Princess Crystal, you failed to prove that Santa Claus is real.

  [Crystal silently gasps] 

  Agonysia : Therefore, by default, he is unreal. Thereby and consequently and herein, ergo, we, the Terribly Deep Thinkers, rule that Santa Claus is A HUMAN LIE.

  [the penguin crowd, as spectators, gasps and chatters as Crystal gasps again] 

  Agonysia , Mortmottimes , Derridommis : [together]  Guilty as charged!

  [Agonysia bangs the mallet. Crystal is shocked by the Deep Thinkers' guiltage. Queen Penelope feels sad, so does King Calvin] 

  Agonysia : [Princess Lucinda sinkers]  The court appoints Princess Lucinda the new future queen.

  [the spectators is chattering, as Lucinda's maids come and cheers directly at her. Crystal and Eugene is disappointed with Lucinda's "future queen"] 

• [from trailer] 

  Agonysia : Santa Claus is A HUMAN LIE.

  [while she's saying it, the scene fades to the front cover of "The Book of Santa Claus"] 

  Princess Crystal : There is a Santa Claus. I know it in my heart.

• [King Calvin is stammering] 

  Queen Penelope : Cal, why don't you cool off in an ice-cold bath?

  King Calvin : Uh, try to get some rest then, hmm?

  Princess Crystal : [Offscreen in bed; Calvin exits her room]  Good night, Dad.

  [Cut to her onscreen] 

  Princess Crystal : [to Penelope]  Do you believe me, Mom?

  [Door opens & closes offscreen, as she continues] 

  Princess Crystal : About Santa Claus?

  Queen Penelope : I believe that you believe.

  [Crystal sighs] 

  Queen Penelope : Oh, there, there. Things will look brighter in the morning. They always do.

  [Penelope kiss Crystal in her left cheek and slowly exits her room. Crystal feels sad about what the Terribly Deep Thinkers had recently did] 

• Princess Lucinda : Where is Crystal? Headed for the North Pole.

  Agonysia : Headed for the North Pole.

  Derridommis : Imagine that.

  Princess Lucinda : But... she can't even swim.

  Mortmottimes : I'd be more worried about those nasty leopard seals.

  Derridommis : And hungry killer whales.

  Princess Lucinda : No. I won't let it end like this.

  [Lucinda leaves the Terribly Deep Thinkers' cave. They cackles] 

  Agonysia : [Offscreen]  Good-bye.

  [Agonysia knocks Lucinda's black chess piece on their chessboard] 

• Agonysia : [after the cake fiasco made by Princess Crystal; Groans]  We are not amused.

  Mortmottimes : [Tastes the chocolate frosting from his cloak]  Oh, chocolate! My favorite.

• Princess Crystal : [Excited]  There is a Santa Claus. I know it in my heart.

  Derridommis : Your heart? Rubbish!

  Agonysia : Prove he exsist.

  Princess Crystal : Prove he doesn't.

  Mortmottimes : He doesn't want that away. Does it?

  Derridommis : We are not on trial.

• Princess Crystal : Whay do you want?

  Princess Lucinda : They're come to stop us.

  Derridommis : Ooh, on the contrary. We've come to congratulate you.

  Princess Lucinda : I'm so sure.

  Agonysia : We misjudged you both.

  Princess Lucinda : You mean you underestimated us.

  Princess Crystal : Santa does exist, and we have proof.

  Agonysia : We couldn't be happier.

  Derridommis : Princess Crystal, you not only faced your worst fears, but you and Princess Lucinda have gone where no penguin have gone before.

  Mortmottimes : And, in the process, it appears you've become best friends.

  Derridommis : This delights us.

  Princess Crystal : Oh. Perhaps I misjudged you too.

  Princess Lucinda : [to Crystal]  Don't fall for their pack of lies. This is a trick!

  Princess Lucinda : [to Lucy]  If this were a trick, why would we invite the entire colony to the Cave of Profundity to celebrate your triumphant return?

• Agonysia : [offscreen]  Your Majesties, we, the Terribly Deep Thinkers,

  Agonysia : feel your pain.

  Derridommis : Unpleasant circumstances aside, the colony...

  Derridommis : [offscreeen]  ... requires a new sucessor.

  Mortmottimes : [Rolls out document]  This document legally declares your daughters... lost at sea.

  Agonysia : And we, the new heirs to the throne.

  Derridommis : A secure future makes a pleasant present.

  Mortmottimes : [Cackles]  Sign on the dotted line.

  [Agonysia takes a feather out of Mortmottimes to use as a quail. As she presents it to Queen Penelope, Penelope sobs at the missing Princesses. During the process, Phillip watches aside from them] 

  King Calvin : No! They're still out there... somewhere. I can feel it in my heart.

  Agonysia : Mmm, take another week to mourn.

  Mortmottimes : We'll be back.

• Agonysia : It breaks our hearts too, Your Majesty, but the facts speak for themselves. Derridommis?

  Derridommis : Fact: Princess Crystal is hardly the proper penguin princess.

  Mortmottimes : She consorts with a common fool.

  Derridommis : She doesn't swim with the flock.

  Mortmottimes : She can't swim at all.

  Agonysia : She waddles alone.

  Mortmottimes : She agitates the children with subversive stories.

  Derridommis : She's a rebel.

  Queen Penelope : But these are only opinions disguised as facts.

  [Agonysia gasps] 

  Queen Penelope : Don't you see? All you've done is prove that Crystal waddles to the best of her own drummer, just like her father. Is that against penguin law?

  King Calvin : [Chuckles]  I hope not, or I'd rotting away in the dungeon, wouldn't I?

  Agonysia : Perhaps maternal instincts have impaired Her Majesty's objectivity.

  Queen Penelope : Crystal is future queen, Lady Agonysia, and that is that.

• Mrs. Claus : [to Crystal & Lucy]  I'm Mrs. Claus. Welcome to the castle. We've been watching your journey on Santa's magic looking glass.

  Mrs. Claus : [to everyone]  Every elf, reindeer and toy knows of your great adventure.

  Max : [to Crystal & Lucy]  You even got past me - Max the Annoying Elf. Hmm.

  [Audience cheers in the background] 

  Mrs. Claus : [to Crystal & Lucy]  Around here, you are heroes.

  Princess Lucinda : I'm no hero. I never believed in any of this.

• [In the court, inside the palace] 

  Agonysia : Aiding and abetting the forbidden simulation of flight, trifling with human things, and corrupting penguin youth with human lies.

  Princess Crystal : Santa Claus isn't a lie.

  Agonysia : Blasphemy!

  Derridommis : Sacrilege!

  Mortmottimes : Heresy!

  Agonysia : How does the defendment plead?

• [as the Terribly Deep Thinkers heading back into the cave, Princess Lucinda runs in from behind the snow-peaked rock] 

  Princess Lucinda : Deep Thinkers, wait!

  [They turn towards Lucy] 

  Princess Lucinda : I wish to help the cause.

  Mortmottimes : Cause? What cause?

  [Agonysia bumps Mortmottimes] 

  Agonysia : She wants what's best for the colony. Don't you, Princess Lucinda.

  [Agonysia walks up toward Lucy] 

  Princess Lucinda : I do.

  [the two others join Agonysia] 

  Agonysia : Then watch Crystal carefully...

  Derridommis : ...become her shadow...

  Agonysia : ...and report back everything you see...

  Agonysia , Mortmottimes , Derridommis : [in unison]  ... to us!

  Princess Lucinda : I shall do it, for the greater good of the colony.

  [Piano plays the three-note stinger as the scene fades to black] 

• King Calvin , Queen Penelope , Agonysia , Mortmottimes , Derridommis , Eugene , Phillip , The Wing Maidens , The Crowd of Royal Rookery Rock : [together]  Happy hatchday to you / Happy hatchday to you / You're looking real swell / Since you shattered your shell / Happy Ha-aaa-atchday to yo-oooo-ou

• Agonysia : Loopholes.

  Mortmottimes : Poop holes?

  Agonysia : The law scroll, Lord Mortmottimes.

  Mortmottimes : Oh, well, yes.

  Mortmottimes : [Clears throat, coughs]  We recently uncovered certain legal loopholes reguarding this matter.

• [In the Cave of Profundity, Derridommis approaches Agonysia & Mortmottimes in a game of chess] 

  Derridommis : Princess Crystal has left the island.

  Agonysia : [Knocking Crystal's white chess piece to replace with Lucinda's black chess piece]  Too easy.

  [They all laugh] 

• Agonysia , Derridommis , Mortmottimes : [singing together]  We're the Terribly Deep Thinkers / We're walking almanacs / Our bones are old and brittle / But our minds are sharp as tacks

  Agonysia : We're overeducated

  Mortmottimes : We're snooty brainiacs

  Agonysia , Derridommis , Mortmottimes : [together]  We possess an excess / Of many useless facts

• Agonysia , Derridommis , Mortmottimes : [singing together]  We're the Terribly Deep Thinkers

  Derridommis : Our thoughts are very deep

  Mortmottimes : We are birds whose big words

  Agonysia , Derridommis , Mortmottimes : [together]  Put lesser minds to sleep

  Agonysia , Derridommis , Mortmottimes : [together]  But among intelligentsia /We're mental giants / And this is why when we die

  Derridommis : We'll leave our brains to science

• Agonysia , Derridommis , Mortmottimes : [singing together]  We're the Terribly Deep Thinkers / We're birds of higher learning / We welcome you to this barbeque / Of books that need such burning

  Agonysia , Derridommis , Mortmottimes : [singing and dancing together]  If you find us condenscending / You're jealous 'cause we're smart / We don't hesitate to elevate

  [pause] 

  Agonysia , Derridommis , Mortmottimes : [resumes]  Deep thinking to an art

  Agonysia : And what we do / And now we do / With your best / Interests at heart

• Derridommis : [to King Calvin]  The document, Your Majesty.

  Eugene : [Walks up]  But I'm not finished.

  Agonysia : Oh yes you are.

  Derridommis : Your signature- on the dotted line, please.

  [King Calvin uses Mortmottimes' quail to sign his three signatures in the document] 

• [Pup arrives at the Palace, looking for Eugene, that the Princesses mentioned. The crowd is gasping and murmuring about the seal in the palace] 

  Royal Rookery Rock's Guards : Halt!

  Agonysia : Someone, stop that seal!

• Princess Lucinda : I want all eyes on me. Not her.

  Katie , Marcus , Mimi : Yes, Princess Lucinda.

• Katie : [commenting about Eugene]  Didn't he lay a rotten egg?

  Marcus : More like a dozen!

  Princess Lucinda : My sister's only friend is a fool. How delicious!

  [Lucy laughs] 

  Mimi : And how becoming for a future queen.

  [as Lucinda's laughing continues, Crystal sighs] 

• Princess Lucinda : [Clears throat offscreen]  I... did see the bell fall from the sky.

  [the Terribly Deep Thinkers gets up from the game of chess walks towards Lucinda] 

  Agonysia : You lied under oath?

  Princess Lucinda : Uh, I did for the cause.

  Agonysia , Mortmottimes , Derridommis : [Together in Unison]  Whose cause?

  Princess Lucinda : For-For- For the greater good of the colony.

  Agonysia : Pish-posh. You were blinded by ambition.

  Princess Lucinda : But you said I was the better bird.

  Mortmottimes : Better to betray your own flesh and blood?

  Agonysia : No one will ever trust you again.

  Princess Lucinda : You...

  Princess Lucinda : [Groans]  You tricked me!

  Derridommis : You spied.

  [Lucinda backs up agianst the wall] 

  Mortmottimes : [offscreen]  You lied!

  Derridommis : They'll blame you for everything.

  Agonysia : You'll never be queen now.

• Queen Penelope : [to her King]  Do something.

  King Calvin : Oh, as King...

  King Calvin : [Clears throat]  um, well, I have the right, um...

  King Calvin : [Clears throat]  That is, I believe I have the right to dismiss, all charges, and, grant a pardon.

  Queen Penelope : You do.

  King Calvin : I shall then, uh, grant a pardon, if Crystal simply admits her mistake.

  Princess Crystal : But Father.

  King Calvin : [Minmicks Crystal]  "I'm sorry. I was wrong. There is no Santa Claus."

  King Calvin : Just say it.

  [Crystal looks at the Wing Maidens, and she told the truth] 

• [after the Terribly Deep Thinkers trapped Princesses Crystal & Lucinda in a birdcage, they chuckles at them as walk towards them] 

  Princess Lucinda : Now see here!

  Agonysia : Button your beak, you insufferable brat!

  [Agonysia & Lucy tugs over the latter's Santa hat, but the former wins as the latter reveals her hair] 

• Mortmottimes : You see, young ladies, you returned on the day of tradgic mourning.

  Derridommis : Soon the king & queen will declare their daughters...

  Agonysia , Mortmottimes , Derridommis : [together; Agonysia is offscreen]  ..."lost at sea!"

• [Agonysia burns Santa's hat in the cauldron] 

  Agonysia : They'll never know you crossed the world and risked your lived for this - a cheap sack of Christmas claptrap. Pity.

  [the Terribly Deep Thinkers laughs as Deridommis throws the proof of Santa Claus in the cauldron] 

• [the Terribly Deep Thinkers and the princesses arrives at the Cave of Profundity] 

  Agonysia : Your Majesties, it's true. Your daughters have returned.

  Princess Crystal : Mother! Father!

  Princess Lucinda : We're back!

  [the Proof of Santa Claus slips itself from Lucinda's wing] 

  Princess Lucinda : [Inside the cave, the Princesses runs in excitement to see their parents, but stops running as they see the boiling cauldron] 

  Princess Crystal : Uh-oh. This can't be good.

  [the birdcage drops down on the Princesses, and shockingly traps them] 

• [Princess Lucidna and two of maids is laughing about Crystal, while her third maid walks to the edge of the nearby cliff] 

  [Crystal is looking at the scroll about being a princess, when she heard about herself from Lucy] 

  Princess Lucinda : Can't swim to save her life.

  Princess Lucinda : [laughs]  She's a sinker.

  [Lucy and her maids cackles about Crystal] 

  Marcus : [as the third maid dives]  If Princess Clumsy isn't waddling around with her break in a scroll,

  Marcus : she's slipping and sliding in frozen ponds.

  [Their laughing and jeering continues] 

  Mimi : [as Crystal sadly rolls up the scroll; as "Girl"]  She's an embarrassment to the royal penguin family.

  [They all laugh as Crystal sadly heads back] 

• Baby Princess Crystal : [Penelope picks up a just-hatched baby]  Mama. Mama.

  King Calvin : Oh. She has your beak, Penelope

  Queen Penelope : We shall call her, Crystal.

  Mortmottimes : Pistol? Why-why-why, that's no name for a future queen. Isn't that ridiculous?

  Agonysia , Derridommis : Crystal!

• Eugene : [Has clams, three each, in his flippers]  And speaking of clams...

  Agonysia : Pitiful.

  Eugene : ...they think the whole ocean belongs to them. Boy, are they shellfish?

  [Wipes off the clams] 

  Mortmottimes : I wonder if he does impressions.

  [the crowd throws snowballs at Eugene, as they heckle] 

• Princess Crystal : [Penelope puts her into bed later that evening]  Sorry for ruining the party.

  Queen Penelope : Oh, nonsense.

  Princess Crystal : Another reason for Lucinda to hate me.

  Queen Penelope : Hate you?

  Princess Crystal : For beating her out of the egg. By seven silly seconds. Cam't we just give her the crown?

  Queen Penelope : The crown isn't something one gives away, my love.

  Princess Crystal : But it means more to her.

  Queen Penelope : Ooh. You have a good head and a generous heart. You'll make a fine queen.

  Queen Penelope : [She kisses Crystal and leaves the room; Crystal sighs] 

• Agonysia : To the palace, distinguished colleagues.

• [the Terribly Deep Thinkers exit the palace as its doors slam shut loudly behind them] 

  Mortmottimes : That went well. What's for lunch?

  Agonysia : Button your beak, Mortmottimes.

• Agonysia : It's obvious Lucinda sets the better example. She's a straight-A student and a star athlete.

  Derridommis : And very popular with the masses.

  Queen Penelope : This is not a popularity contest.

  [Lucinda's maids, aside from her, giggle and the two of them high-five]