Employee of the Month (2006)

Harland Williams: Russell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Russell : You're like the drummer from REO Speedwagon. Nobody knows who you are.

• Russell : Check it out guy, he's the alpha male of the store... chicks always go after the alpha male, they're like lions... kings of the desert. And you, you're just a little tiny fieldmouse dangling in the teeth of the lion while he's banging your chick. Oh wait a minute... boxboy, you're like the little hairy nutsack on the little hairy fieldmouse swinging back and forth while he's banging your chick...

  Zack : [on radio]  You're metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up! please?

  Russell : [on radio]  Roger... just going back and forth hairy calahari style in and out with his big...

• Russell : Oh yeah, that picture goes up on the wall she slides into the sack faster than a singed Koala bear looking for an all night burn center.

• Russell : Jesus Christ. Where the hell are we, Chuck E. Cheese-istian?

• Russell : Think about it guys, we could be working over there at Maxi-Mart and that place really sucks. Pass me the chips there, eight balls.

  [Iqbal passes a bulk size bag of chips] 

  Lon : Plus, I hear they make you wear those house-arrest ankle bracelet things, so they know where you are all the time and if you leave the main floor, you get a little shocker.

  [Lon blows a party kazoo] 

  Russell : True. I knew a guy in upper management, man, went crazy. Strapped one of those things around his hairy ballsack, ran out in the parking lot and blew a three dollar Hawaiian wonder cooler all over the place.

  Iqbal : Ids-kay, ids-kay.

  Russell : Knocked the little Korean kid right out of shopping basket.