Imagine Me & You (2005)

Celia Imrie: Tessa

Quotes 

• H : Heck, I've got a question.

  Tessa : Not now.

  Heck : What's the question, H?

  H : What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

  Heck : [thinks for a few seconds, then replies]  I haven't got a bastard clue, I'm afraid.

  Tessa : There you are, you see. Now we can let him get married in peace.

  [She starts to lead H to the church to find a seat for the wedding] 

  Luce : [Catches H before Tessa can take her away completely]  It never happens. If there's a thing that can't be stopped, it's not possible for there to be something else which can't be moved, and vice versa. They can't both exist. You see, it's a trick question is the answer.

  H : [as Tessa leads her to the church]  Can she sit with me?

• Ned : So, who's the lucky chap? What's his name?

  Rachel : Her name... is Luce.

  Tessa : Luce? As in a woman? As are you a woman? So you mean you two are lesbifriends?

  Rachel : It doesn't matter what you call it, it's not going to happen.

• Tessa : This man's as useless as a fart in a jam jar.

• Tessa : Cooper, that trollop. That man would shag an open wound.

• Ned : And where did you two meet ?

  Rachel : At my wedding.

  Tessa : but it's such a short time, how can you be sure ?

  Rachel : I knew after three seconds.

  Ned : I've heard of love happening that fast, The French call it Le Flash.

  Tessa : They would, bloody perverts.

• Tessa : Will you fuck off with the fucking candles?