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98 out of 156 people found the following review useful: Hell Ride Movie Review from The Massie Twins, 7 August 2008 Author: joel massie (GoneWithTheTwins) from www.GoneWithTheTwins.com
Quentin Tarantino once said that to succeed in the film industry you had to make your own Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs. Writer/actor/director Larry Bishop seems to have taken that advice a little too literally with Hell Ride and concocted a messy homage that borrows much too heavily in its visuals, music, camera-work, and time-altering storytelling. But to properly mimic a Tarantino film, one has to have a knack for constructing creative conversations; unfortunately Hell Ride's primary derailing element is its atrocious ramblings and vulgar monologues that only work to disgust and confuse the audience while simultaneously invoking pity for the actors just for being involved.The anti-hero protagonist biker gang, The Victors, consists of several weathered vigilantes who bring their own brand of bloodthirsty justice to the lawless roads. The leader, Pistolero (Larry Bishop), is hell-bent on revenge and putting out fires. The Gent (Michael Madsen) just tries to balance his chaotic, psychotic symphony of life with putting lead into anyone who crosses his boss, and Comanche (Eric Balfour) follows with a fierce loyalty and a mysterious past.On the villainous front, Deuce (David Carradine) is the mastermind who orchestrates from afar, though not quite far enough, and Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones) spits venom and lewd explanations for his tattoos while toting a harpoon gun and a general disdain for life. While these characters might sound interesting on paper, once they're forced to rant horrendously ill-conceived dialogue all traces of cool disappear faster than the funding should for Bishop's next film.While Hell Ride is riddled with imperfections and missed opportunities, the main facet of its undoing lies in the poorly devised conversations. And because Bishop's main influences are the talky films of Tarantino, there are a lot of them. The first twenty minutes of the movie are nearly unintelligible and would probably make as much sense muted. By the time Pistolero's main squeeze is introduced and certain phrases are overused to the point of nausea, you'll pray for both death and the ability to turn the sound off. Even Dennis Hopper has trouble remaining cool while spouting off such goofy dialogue.Have you ever repeated a word or phrase to yourself so many times that it just doesn't sound right or even make sense anymore? Bishop starts there and then keeps the madness going until you envy the characters on screen getting their heads cut off. And when the dialogue finally takes a break, we're treated to interspersed shots of nude female oil wrestling and throats being slashed. I'm not sure what effect Bishop hoped to attain, but I doubt he found it.Hell Ride wants to pay homage to Quentin Tarantino films, Robert Rodriguez films, and every movie that idolizes the violent and devil-may-care attitudes of bikers. But while its intentions may be noble, the horrendously cringe-worthy dialogue and the hyper-stylized timeline-mangling editing prevents the audience from becoming invested with the generic tough-guy characters. By the time we figure out the mystery behind the characters' motives (and it may be awhile before you even realize there's a mystery to be solved), it's just too hard to care anymore. And while everyone on screen is clearly having fun, they've entirely neglected to translate any of that entertainment to the audience.- Joel Massie
86 out of 144 people found the following review useful: This movie is so cool!, 30 August 2008 Author: flameboy77
Or that's what the filmmakers would like you to believe, anyway.This movie tries sooo hard to be cool it's ridiculous. Everything, from the look of the film, the cinematography, the editing, the dialogue and the acting, is geared in super cool mode from the get go. Just to make sure that no one misses how cool this film is, there's a soundtrack of really cool rock n roll tunes and a twangy western-surf-tex mex guitar playing constantly throughout the film. As a final reminder of how frickin cool this movie is, all the actors have been instructed to speak in a hoarse voice, because, as we all know, that's badass.The plot (if there indeed is one) seems pretty straightforward. But as someone else already pointed out, the director and star of the film, seems fiercely determined not to tell that story, instead focusing on a plethora of naked babes and dialogue that's supposed to be badass, but grows tired surprisingly quick (did they have an contest to see how many times they could cram the words "pussy" and "f*ck" and its derivatives in an 80 minute film?).This movie was absolutely horrible.
68 out of 113 people found the following review useful: Don't waste your time, 7 August 2008 Author: locomotivebreath83 from United States
Tarentino should be ashamed to be involved with this awful film. The acting, directing and script are all third-rate - with the entire film playing out like an excuse for writer/director/star Larry Bishop to get laid. The only reason it was made at all is most likely due to his association with QT. The plot of the film is pretty flimsy, and basically tries to survive on not-so-obscure references to older B-movies and some cameos from guys like David Carradine, Dennis Hopper, and Vinnie Jones. Each one is listless in their performance, particularly Hopper who is in full-on paycheck mode at this point in his career. The saving grace, if there is one, is that the script is so laughably bad that it can be entertaining. Bishop tries so hard to get that trademark Tarentino banter and just fails miserably, which can be pretty humorous at times and grating at others. I'd only check this one out if you love bad movies...or if you're really into biker films.
56 out of 91 people found the following review useful: A glitzy, slick, 80 minute music video cash-in on Grindhouse that captures none of the grindhouse spirit, 1 September 2008 Author: chaos-rampant from Greece
Because that's what Hell Ride pretty much is. Larry Bishop and Tarantino partying on the Weinstein's money with the promise to deliver a movie sometime down the line. I'm all for fake boobage and booze as much as the next guy but did we really need the movie? Really there's nothing worse than the reheated second-hand leftovers of an old trend. And I'm not even talking about 70's grindhouse cinema because Hell Ride has none of the raw and unpolished feel of the era it purports to pay homage to. No, this is slick and glossy MTV Hollywood through and through. The old trend I'm talking about is the self-consciously pseudo-hip quirky cinematic world where Tarantino meets Guy Ritchie and Robert Rodriguez. All three guys were at least talented and found success for a reason. Hell Ride is just a second-hand copy, fickle and uninspired, polished to the max when it should be raw, the "supercool" aspect coming off forced and silly.There's no reason for example why such a simple and utterly inane story has to be told in convoluted, back-and-forth in time fashion. It's just a post-Tarantino quirk. There's also no reason why the dialogues have to be so mind-numbingly pointless, people flapping their gums while saying NOTHING: at least when Travolta was talking about cheeseburgers in Pulp Fiction it felt fresh. Dialogues here amount to little more than pseudo-macho posturing. There's also no reason why a grating rock'n'roll guitar has to twangle aimlessly over the entire movie. Perhaps the lowest Hell Ride hits is when it tries to be quasi-existential. There's a hilarious dream/illusion scene in the desert where Bishop eats peyote and sees colours. I was half-expecting an old Indian to come out and offer nuggets of wisdom.The only saving grace of this abysmal turd is the boobage and Vinnie Jones' monologue about his wings tattooes (and maybe some of the desert exterior shots). Lots of boobage and hot scantily clad babes. Now that's something I can get behind but a movie they don't make. Everything else is just an empty shell, an imitation of other infinitely more talented imitators.
52 out of 90 people found the following review useful: Don't see all the complaints!, 9 August 2008 Author: bullet-tooth-tony from United States
I honestly do not get why so many people are upset with this film. Its rough, its ridiculous, its over the top, and its a great ride! I admit its not film-making that will change the world- but its a gritty exploitation film, and for anyone who's gotten a kick out of "Devils Rejects," "Kill Bill" or the "Desperado" series this is at least worth taking a peak at.The cast is all great- Bishop, Balfour and Madsen make a cool trio, each stealing the show at different moments, Dennis Hopper really gives a memorable and entertaining performance, and Carradine shines in a very (darkly) funny cameo. Vinnie Jones is good, he could have been given more to do, but he is entertaining and handles his weapon of choice quite expertly. The story, well- its simple. Its a revenge tale, and an excuse for lots of mayhem and carnage to take place. Again, if you want a gritty, rough around the edges exploitation flick, I do not know what else people are expecting. The story serves its purpose, and keeps the audiences entertained for the hour and a half it plays out. The dialogue does get a bit overly cheesy at points, but that really only adds to the charm of this absurd film- it'll make you laugh, it'll make you puzzle, but I never found any lines to be so distracting that I could not enjoy the film.So see it if you know what you're getting into! There's a hell of a lot of violence, far far far more nudity, disgusting language and a good amount of despicable anti-heroes. For the type of film that it is, it is very well done and very entertaining! I heartily recommend it for a good, demented time at the movies. I only wish it'd get a wider release, Im lucky I got to see it at all!
44 out of 75 people found the following review useful: Terrible, 28 August 2008 Author: lynstly from United States
I have had more boring stretches of 80 minutes in my life, but none are coming to mind right now. Hell Ride is based on the retro cult 70s theme that Tarantino brought back, and did right, in movies like Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs. The problem with Hell Ride is, unlike PF and RD, the story is garbage and so is character development. How many movies does Bishop think he can blatantly steal from? The brief case in Pulp Fiction, the air gun in No Country, etc. etc. Speaking of Bishop what the hell is he doing acting in this movie? I couldn't help but laugh at those scenes where he's standing with his pelvis trusted out, desperately trying to seem like some hardened biker. Nothing in this movie is believable. And why Dennis Hopper? Did they really need the Easy Rider motif too? I blame Larry Bishop, for his horrible plot and dialogue, not to mention his failed attempt at the leading role. Don't bother watching this movie, it's a waste of time.
26 out of 40 people found the following review useful: Tries too hard... and fails., 31 August 2008 Author: Siamois from Canada
Director/lead Larry Bishop tried way, way too hard with Hell Ride. The movie wants to be edgy, witty, provocative, outlandish, biting all of this, seemingly in a Quentin Tarantino/Rob Zombie style. But it's not edgy. The references seem forced. The dialog tries to be clever and fails. The humor is never funny. Nice try setting a gritty tone but we'd have to care about the characters or the story for it to remotely succeed.What you're left with are cool Harleys and pretty girls surrounding a bunch of tired, old and out of shape "bad boys" in what looks like an attempt to do a modernized Sergio Leone western. If this movie can make newer generations interested in 60s and 70s films, kudos for it. But on its own, it is rather boring and irrelevant. I do believe there is a place for style over substance. But this movie is not it.
22 out of 35 people found the following review useful: It's not awful, but it is a pretty rough ride., 30 August 2008 Author: (raul-71) from Scotland
To say this movie is bad would be to simplify matters to the extreme and with the exception of Hell Ride's plot, nothing in this life is that simple.So what's wrong with it exactly... Larry Bishop. The guy must have balls the size of two small dogs to think he could pull this off. Bikes, beer and booty makes for one great cocktail but bikes, beer, booty and bishop... not so good.The story is interesting, the theme is great, the cast, characters and acting are over the top but welcome, hell, even the directing is good but Larry, why did you have to put yourself in it as the lead? Casting yourself as the lead is a step too far. This isn't going to get you any leading actor roles but will most certainly deem you to a life of character bit parts and walk ons. Larry successfully delivers some of the most ham-fisted dialogue in the most atrocious of displays of acting ever witnessed on celluloid. I can't even bring myself to disgust the batman-esq vocal shenanigans but it's poor.I am beginning to meander almost as badly as this movie. So in a nutshell: Great cast, great concept, compelling direction, terrible, terrible lead acting.
24 out of 40 people found the following review useful: One of the Worst Movies Ever Made, 25 February 2009 Author: DaveDiggler from United States
Larry Bishop directs, writes, and leads this soft core porn, plot less biker movie about nothing to do with anything. To call this one of the worst movies of 2008 is being kind to the garbage that I spent money on while in theaters. Its one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I felt sorry for the girls mostly, who probably think they're in the making of a feature film, when in all reality they're making a porno. They walk on the set for four days, say some sexual lines to disgusting old men -- thirty years older than them -- then take off their cloths, and run around naked for the four days they're on set. I can only assume this was Larry Bishops only way to get laid. You see shot after shot directly on a girls asses. Shot after shot of Bishop walking up to some random chick and grabbing her most intimate parts, as if he were shaking her hand. How this crap was even funded is beyond me. Why Tarantino has his name on it is beyond me, but he's been slowly fading away since 1994, so I can't say I was surprised.After 15 minutes, you get that awful feeling that only horrible (and I mean horrible) movies give you. When you see it in theaters, the pain you feel is amplified. After 15 minutes, I wanted to cry for being so stupid, and wasting, not only my time, but my hard earned ten dollars. There isn't one redeeming quality, or one moment in the movie that creates any kind of reaction or shows any kind of inclination that these people had any idea of what they are doing. If you don't see naked women all that often, then I guess this movie would be for you. If you're eleven-years-old, you will probably like it. You can't even laugh at it, because every idiot making it was laughing about the crap they were making. The acting is awful, the writing is awful, the production is awful, and the directing is awful. It's not even worth your time renting it to see the car crash. Stay away, stay very far away. You shouldn't even be reading these reviews. I shouldn't even be writing one.
20 out of 34 people found the following review useful: This film is not for everyone.., 6 September 2008 Author: monkeyfox from United Kingdom
I've voted a 9/10 in order to give this films score a fair chance against all the people out there who didn't appreciate/understand where the film makers were going with it and therefore criticised it heavily. I mean, those people are entitled to their opinion of course but this film is more of a homage to the films of yesteryear much like the recent planet terror/death-proof and any attempt to criticise it so harshly is just missing the point i feel. They can get away with the cheesy lines, they can get away the tits and the violence. OK so Vinnie Jones accent is just plain bad and some of the dialogue is pretty silly but to me thats all part of the fun of watching a film like this. Larry Bishop was amazing as Pistolero and also did a great job as director, capturing the feel and atmosphere of the old western/biker movies perfectly. Yes this film is not gonna be everyones cup of tea and yes it has its problems but films are art and art is subjective. This film made me feel tense at times and then happy and a few other emotions in between, more so than some other recent Hollywood productions with 5 times the budget. I would happily recommend it to anyone who likes westerns, grind-house, B movies or Tarantino. To all those people out there who love to dissect and pull things apart and moan and bitch about how things weren't believable (really?) or about how it failed as a film and didn't do this or that, i will say just this. Go and make your own film and try to make something better, go on i dare you..
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