The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) Poster

(2005)

Romany Malco: Jay

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Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Romany Malco in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell and Romany Malco in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, and Miki Mia in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell and Romany Malco in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Shelley Malil, Gerry Bednob, and Romany Malco in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Gerry Bednob and Romany Malco in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Romany Malco and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, and Seth Rogen in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Gerry Bednob, Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Romany Malco in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, and Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Kevin Hart and Romany Malco in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Steve Carell, Romany Malco, and Erica Vittina Phillips in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Romany Malco in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)

Quotes 

  • Jay : You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.

  • Jill : Are you Andy?

    Andy Stitzer : Uh... yeah.

    Jill : [holds up Jay's card]  Is this yours? Did you write this stuff?

    Jay : My girlfriend Jill found *your* speed dating card.

    [raises his eyebrows] 

    Andy Stitzer : [Covering]  Oh! Yeah... right. God, I've been looking for that speed dating card. Thank you so much for bringing it to me.

    Jill : So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was "hurtin' for a squirtin'"?

    Andy Stitzer : [Stunned]  Mmm-hmm... yeah, "hurtin' for a squirtin'". Yeah, I wrote that.

    Jill : Oh, so you wrote, "ho fo' sho'".

    Andy Stitzer : [Embarrassed]  Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho... for sho'.

    Jill : You are never going to meet anyone with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch!

    Andy Stitzer : Who the... Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? I've never even met you. So why don't you back the shit off, all right? And stop with the inquisition.

    Jill : That's how you talk?

    Andy Stitzer : You know what? I don't have to answer to you, you ain't my bitch! Know what I sayin'? So, shit, man... fuck it!

    Jill : [to Jay]  You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert.

    Jay : I don't hang out with him! I work with him and that's it! I tried to introduce him to a few nice people, he made a fool of himself. I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me.

    Andy Stitzer : You should keep your ho on a leash.

    Jay : Oh, bro, I can't let you talk...

    Andy Stitzer : Hey!

    Jay : I can't let you be talking to my woman that way, dawg.

    Andy Stitzer : Hey, hey! Bitch's running wild, man.

  • Smart Tech Customer : Wait, wait, wait, last thing, last thing. I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it for the price of... on the house. Hmm?

    Jay : That I can't do...

    Smart Tech Customer : Now, don't be a negro, be my nigga. Help me out.

    Jay : Whoa, whoa, whoa... I ain't nobody's nigga.

    Smart Tech Customer : Well, you somebody's nigga, wearin this nigga tie.

    Jay : Now you're being condescending, see? You've been warned, 'aight? Now, let's move forward amicably.

    Smart Tech Customer : Well, 'aight, check this out, dawg. First of all, you throwin' too many big words at me, and because I don't understand them, I'm gonna take 'em as disrespect. Watch your mouth and help me with the sale.

    Jay : Okay, see... see, now you found yourself a nigga. You was lookin' for a nigga? Nigga here now!

  • Smart Tech Customer : This shit just got real!

    Jay : What are you gonna do, bitch?

    Smart Tech Customer : I'll tell you what. You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th?

    Jay : You ever heard of rolling twenties, nigga? Since I was sixteen, nigga, I'm saying "frosty." You know what I'm saying? "Spoon", nigga. We fucked dwarves in the ass!

    Smart Tech Customer : Nigga, this dwarf here don't got to be tall to pull a trigger off in somebody face!

    Andy Stitzer : [walks up quickly]  Good afternoon! Good afternoon! Welcome to Smart Tech. What can I help you with?

    Smart Tech Customer : [points at Jay]  Is this your boy?

    Jay : Yeah, nigga, we will both mash you! What? What? Where you at?

    Andy Stitzer : Hey, how can we help you, sir?

    Jay : No, no, he don't need no help! He's already been served. I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it. See, what he thought was he can come up here and make the rules. But now, he see that Jay make the rules at Smart Tech, that I run this bitch, and now he 'bout to bounce!

    Smart Tech Customer : This your boy?

    Jay : Yeah, nigga, that's my boy. We rep the same Smart Tech.

    Smart Tech Customer : [points at Andy]  You just got fucked up with him. Both ya'll niggas gonna get clapped up when I get back.

    [pretends to shoot two guns at them] 

    Smart Tech Customer : Both ya'll niggas!

    Andy Stitzer : What? What did I do?

    Smart Tech Customer : It don't fucking matter!

    Jay : Yeah, well, aim high, Willis. Aim high!

  • Jay : [to Mooj]  Why you always telling me to go fuck a goat?

  • Jay : [to Andy, in a bar]  All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "Tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "Tackle drunk bitches."

  • Mooj : [talking to a customer]  This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma.

    Jay : What are you doing? That's my customer.

    Mooj : It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended

    Jay : No, no, that's my... She was unattended because I went to the back to get the brochure she requested.

    Mooj : I apologize, but it's too late. The transaction is completed.

    Jay : Then you gonna give me half the commission.

    Mooj : You will receive none of the commission.

    Jay : I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy, man!

    Mooj : This is bullshit! Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. How about... how about Jesse Jackson? Oh, Jesse, he needs a call...

    Jay : I'm sick of you poaching my customers.

    Mooj : I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit!

    Jay : You wanna take this shit outside? You wanna just take it outside and just squash it?

    Mooj : Let's stay inside so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath, I cannot return it until it has spilt blood.

    Jay : Listen to me, listen to me! You are fucking with the wrong nigger.

    Mooj : Hey, hey! You are fucking with the wrong sand nigger, okay?

    Jay : I will hang your old ass by your turban!

    Mooj : [Mooj has a very definite Indian accent]  Oh, turban, now! Do you see any fucking turban here? Do I talk like a turban guy? Do I say, "Hey, Jay, you want a slurpee? You want a slurpee?" Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. Brooklyn, okay? My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?

    Jay : All right, man. Calm down, dude! Look... you still covering my shift on Friday or what?

    Mooj : If I can keep this commission... with pleasure.

    Jay : Cool, man. All right, pops.

    [They hug; Jay leaves] 

  • Jay : Wassup, dawg, what happened? How was the date with Trish?

    Andy Stitzer : Oh, it was a disaster.

    Cal : Really?

    Andy Stitzer : Yes, I've never been more embarrassed in my life. I couldn't get the condoms to work, and one of them exploded on my balls. And then, her kid walked in the room...

    Jay : Woah. Wait. Hold up. She was hiding the kid from you, dawg?

    Andy Stitzer : You know what? It doesn't matter. Because it was goin' downhill straight from there.

    Jay : Listen, you don't want no baby daddy drama. Trust me on this one, aight? For all you know, he in prison right now. Let's say y'all livin' together. Next thing you know, you the one gone on the first and the fifteenth, huh, to pick up the government check? What if he got boys that's on the outside? And they stalkin' you? See what I'm sayin? You gotta think, patna!

    Andy Stitzer : What the fuck are you talking about?

  • Jay : He sold his old toys for over half a million dollars! We gotta get some fucking toys!

  • Jay : Dude, it's not a big deal that you like to fuck guys. I'm cool, I got friends who fuck guys... in jail.

  • Jay : Nastiest shit you've ever done? I'm talkin' about *nasty*!

    Andy Stitzer : Ahh... wow. So many stories are running through my head right now.

    [pauses, then lies] 

    Andy Stitzer : I dated this girl for a while. She was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to get down with sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day, she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!"

  • Haziz : So tell me something Montell... Why were we not invited to your party? Are we Al Qaeda?

    Jay : Whoa first of all it's not that kind of party.

    Mooj : You know what? We are not coming to your fucking party okay? Fuck you! Go fuck a goat!

    Jay : It's not that kind of party dawg

    Mooj : Fuck you! Go fuck a goat

    Jay : Hey why you always telling me to go fuck a goat man?

    Mooj : [Yelling as he walks away]  Fuck a goat!

  • Jay : [watching "Dawn of the Dead" on a number of giant-screen TVs in excitement]  Fuck that nigga up!... Bitch, get out the room! BITCH, GET OUT THE ROOM!

  • Jay : Listen to me, listen to me. You're fucking with the wrong nigga!

    Mooj : Hey, hey! You're fucking with the wrong sand nigga!

  • Andy Stitzer : This doesn't feel right.

    Jay : Of course it don't feel right! What has felt right for you doesn't work! You need to try some wrong, dawg.

  • Jay : From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm gonna get you some pussy.

  • Jay : Andy, it's going down, partner. We're gonna be...

    [moaning] 

    Jay : This for you, partner, this for you.

    [Pans to video of girls in bathing suits] 

    Jay : Waves of them coming at you on Friday, Saturday. By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained!

  • Andy Stitzer : Why'd you cheat on her?

    Jay : [sobbing violently]  Because I'm insecure! You can't tell?

  • Jay : [after seeing someone get slaughtered in a movie on the widescreen TV displays]  Woah! Fuck that nigga up!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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