The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

Gerry Bednob: Mooj

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mooj : Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not eveybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?

  Andy Stitzer : I'm 40.

  Mooj : Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!

• Mooj : Life is about people. It's about connections.

  Andy Stitzer : It's all about connections.

  Mooj : It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits.

  Andy Stitzer : Yeah.

  Mooj : And butthole pleasures.

  Andy Stitzer : It's not about butthole pleasures at all.

  Mooj : It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.

  Andy Stitzer : Please stop.

  Mooj : And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.

  Andy Stitzer : Mooj, just please stop.

• Mooj : Go fuck a goat.

• Mooj : Everybody dick look big on 60-inch TV, my sister's dick look big on TV.

• Mooj : [to Jay]  Tell me something, when your child is born, is he already on parole?

• Mooj : [talking to a customer]  This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma.

  Jay : What are you doing? That's my customer.

  Mooj : It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended

  Jay : No, no, that's my... She was unattended because I went to the back to get the brochure she requested.

  Mooj : I apologize, but it's too late. The transaction is completed.

  Jay : Then you gonna give me half the commission.

  Mooj : You will receive none of the commission.

  Jay : I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy, man!

  Mooj : This is bullshit! Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. How about... how about Jesse Jackson? Oh, Jesse, he needs a call...

  Jay : I'm sick of you poaching my customers.

  Mooj : I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit!

  Jay : You wanna take this shit outside? You wanna just take it outside and just squash it?

  Mooj : Let's stay inside so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath, I cannot return it until it has spilt blood.

  Jay : Listen to me, listen to me! You are fucking with the wrong nigger.

  Mooj : Hey, hey! You are fucking with the wrong sand nigger, okay?

  Jay : I will hang your old ass by your turban!

  Mooj : [Mooj has a very definite Indian accent]  Oh, turban, now! Do you see any fucking turban here? Do I talk like a turban guy? Do I say, "Hey, Jay, you want a slurpee? You want a slurpee?" Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. Brooklyn, okay? My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?

  Jay : All right, man. Calm down, dude! Look... you still covering my shift on Friday or what?

  Mooj : If I can keep this commission... with pleasure.

  Jay : Cool, man. All right, pops.

  [They hug; Jay leaves] 

• Haziz : So tell me something Montell... Why were we not invited to your party? Are we Al Qaeda?

  Jay : Whoa first of all it's not that kind of party.

  Mooj : You know what? We are not coming to your fucking party okay? Fuck you! Go fuck a goat!

  Jay : It's not that kind of party dawg

  Mooj : Fuck you! Go fuck a goat

  Jay : Hey why you always telling me to go fuck a goat man?

  Mooj : [Yelling as he walks away]  Fuck a goat!

• Mooj : Rich man gets off work, then buys stereo. Not after fucking brunch!

• Jay : Listen to me, listen to me. You're fucking with the wrong nigga!

  Mooj : Hey, hey! You're fucking with the wrong sand nigga!

• Mooj : I will pray for your cock.

• Mooj : [upon hearing about Andy's promotion]  This is the bullshit of all bullshit! Scumbag! Ass-kisser!