- Carrie: Come on, Sammy! Let's see if you earn some of that $10.2 mil.
- Kevin Burke: Carrie?
- Carrie: Professor, what are you doing here? Making sure the Cubs are in bed by 9:00?
- Kevin Burke: The girls told me these were such great seats, I had to check them out myself. Who's up?
- Carrie: Sammy Sosa.
- Kevin Burke: Come on, Sammy! I always knew you were worth that money they're payin' ya.
- Kevin Burke: Oh, by the way... I decided to hire Mrs. Baker full-time to watch you girls after school.
- Mary-Kate Burke: Mrs. Baker? But she's so old.
- Ashley Burke: Yeah, Dad. We can't even talk to her. She's like... generation "A."
- Max: [to Mary-Kate & Ashley] How can old lady Baker be your baby-sitter? I mean, her bedtime is before yours.
- Mary-Kate Burke: I can't believe Miss Tandy gave us homework on the first day.
- Max: You got Tandy for 7th grade? You're toast. Last year, she gave me homework and I wasn't even in her class.
- Brian: You know when my mom gets off my back? When she has a boyfriend.
- Mary-Kate Burke: Who's gonna want to go out with a 70-year-old lady?
- Ashley Burke: A 70-year-old man?
- Ashley Burke: Hey, guys. Bad news. Dad hired Mrs. Baker to watch us after school.
- Jessica: What happened to Carrie?
- Ashley Burke: She's history. The only way we're gonna see her again is if something happens to Mrs. Baker.
- Brian: I know some pretty tough guys in 7th grade.
- Mary-Kate Burke: Brian, you dork.
- Ashley Burke: Dad, Dad. We found the perfect person to watch us after school. Right, Mary-Kate?
- Mary-Kate Burke: Yeah, she's great. She can do all the girlie stuff with Ashley and all the cool stuff with me.
- Kevin Burke: My God. Somebody you both like. Maybe I'll marry her.
- Carrie: Professor Burke!
- Kevin Burke: Maybe not.
- Ashley Burke: Where are we going?
- Carrie: To watch a Cubs game.
- Mary-Kate Burke: A Cubs game. What are we going to learn from them?
- Carrie: Nothing, but the Braves are in town.
- Kevin Burke: I come home to find my house empty, no message and no note from their babysitter!
- Carrie: Well, I'm sorry, but we were only 10 minutes late.
- Kevin Burke: Ten minutes when I had no idea where my daughters were! You'd be surprised what kind of things go through a father's mind in ten minutes!
- Carrie: I'm sorry, Professor. I... I'm sure that when you get to know me better...
- Kevin Burke: I don't plan on getting to know you better.
- Carrie: So you're firing me?
- Kevin Burke: Carrie, when I'm not around, I need to know that my girls are being taken care of and I don't get that from you.
- Carrie: Professor...
- Kevin Burke: Good night, Carrie.
- Ashley Burke: [to Kevin] I mean, you're the best dad in the whole world.
- Mary-Kate Burke: Yeah, it's just that there are some things that are easier for us to talk to a woman about.
- Kevin Burke: I understand that. I mean, as you girls get older, there are going to be a lot more awkward moments between us. But I want you to know that no one loves you as much as I do, and there's nothing you can't talk to me about.