Bottom Live 2003: Weapons Grade Y-Fronts Tour (2003 Video)

Rik Mayall: Richie

Quotes 

• Richie : What is the bright side of having a sofa up your arse?

  Eddie : You can sit down while you stand up.

• Richie : Oh that reminds me. Eddie, the kitchen sink... Have you got a plunger?

  Eddie : Certainly have. That's what all the ladies say.

• Richie : Eddie, this is Richie here, oh yes it is. And I really am in quite a terrific bate. You have been in there for fifteen days, in the toilet, for fifteen days! What can a man do by himself in the toilet for fifteen days? You haven't got a magazine in there have you? If you have, you just give it a ruddy good wipe. And you put that magazine underneath the floorboards where I keep all my secret things. Oh my God! It's not my special homemade one is it? The one with Clare Short apparently given head to Rageh Omaar? And taking up the arse from Cherie Blaire with a strap on? That silence means something. Right, that's it, Eddie, I'm gonna break this door down and come in there. I mean it, here I come.

  [Crash] 

  Richie : Oh Christ! I think I've broken my arm!

• Eddie : Ooooh, you've got a lot of anger in you, haven't you?

  Richie : Yes, I ruddy, bloody have! It's all in here.

  Eddie : Oh yeah? Where?

  Richie : [Points to his temple]  This bit right here.

  [Headbutts Eddie] 

  Eddie : Yeah, I feel your pain. Oh boy! That is a lot of pain. That is a very angry pain, isn't it? Oh Christ, you're so fucking angry, you could hurt someone like this.

  [Headbutts Richie] 

  Richie : Oh no! Oh God! Quad bike flashback! Oh God! It's just like the last time, except this time Eddie's not standing there with the brake cable in one hand and some scissors in the other. No, Eddie, Eddie, look, it's not that kind of anger that I'm talking about. This is the kind of anger that I'm talking about.

  [Knees Eddie in the groin] 

  Eddie : Oh, I see! It's that kind of anger. It's much more sort of... *personal.* Not so much in your face, as in your bollocks kind of anger.

  Richie : That's the one, you've got it, Eddie.

  Eddie : Right-dokey, understood, me old ready-steady, oven ready, chuck steak, skip, jab, dip your finger licking, foul tasting, arse basting, vomit in a basin, spud u don't like!

• Southender 1 : [retorting to a Southend Joke]  Oi, you're a wanker!

  Southender 2 : Wanker!

  Richie : Oh, look!

  Eddie : I see 'em, yeah.

  Richie : It's like you've got a little play worked out, where you shout "Wanker!" and he shouts "Wanker!" What you don't realise is that everyone here wants to kill you right now!