Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica (2003–2005)
Jessica Simpson: Self
Photos
Quotes
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Jessica : Is this chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.
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[discussing the new sheets Jessica bought]
Nick : How much were they?
Jessica : Huh?
Nick : How much? How much?
Jessica : $1400.
Nick : Jessica Simpson!
Jessica : What?
[giggles]
Jessica : Don't be mad. Oh, Nick, come on.
Nick : $1400 for sheets?
Jessica : Well, you sleep on 'em every night.
Nick : I sleep on the ones we got now every night. I don't have a problem.
Jessica : Well, I don't like them. I don't sleep good.
Nick : Holy crap. I better have a wet dream when I sleep on those sheets.
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Jessica : Whatever, I think they're sluts.
Nick : [to the waiter] Excuse me, sir, can I just get your opinion on this? Do you think the girls who work at Hooters are sluts?
Waiter : I really don't have one opinion one way or the other.
Nick : [Nick looks perplexed.] Well, would you ever date one?
Waiter : No, I'm gay.
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Jessica : I could feel your teeth.
Nick : They're not my teeth, actually.
Jessica : Oh, I forgot. They're "ventures". No, that's dentures.
Nick : Ventures?
Jessica : What are they called?
[Nick laughs]
Jessica : Veneers.
[Nick laughs]
Jessica : I thought "dentures" and I thought "veneers". And then I came up with "ventures".
Nick : Yeah. "Think" is the key word.
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Jessica : I still love you.
Nick : What do you mean, 'I still love you.' What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Jessica : No I mean...
Nick : I still love you in spite of what? I still love you in spite of what?
Jessica : In spite of your decorating.
Nick : Well then you get off your ass and do it.
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Jessica : I have bubbles in my tummy... it's just air. It's not stink. Promise.
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Jessica : My boob gets in the way.
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[after being offered Buffalo wings]
Jessica : No thanks. I don't eat buffalo.
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Nick : What do you mean we're going to be in Atlantic City on our anniversary.
Jessica : My dad didn't know it was our anniversary and he scheduled me to perform.
Nick : Are you kidding me?
Jessica : I wish. He doesn't know when our anniversary is.
Nick : Oh, bulls**t he doesn't know when our anniversary is. He was at the wedding.
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Jessica : I'm complaining about the money to get a designer. That is all I'm complaining about. And I will just hire you. That's fine.
Nick : Well how am I getting paid if you are hiring me?
Jessica : In the bed.
Nick : Well I want a raise. With extra benefits.
Jessica : What are those?
Nick : You know what I'm talking about.
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[talking on her cell phone]
Jessica : I'm 23, that's almost 25, and that's almost mid-twenties.
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Jessica : I have to go... drop some kids in the pool.
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Jessica : Is there, like, maids for, like, celebrities?
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Jessica : Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced platypus?
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Jessica : I hate record labels. They think they know everything. I want to hear them try to sing it.
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Jessica : Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?
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Jessica : Why were there mouses?
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[on the aftermath of death]
Jessica : Rigor who?
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[saying why she is not going to eat the fast food]
Jessica : I have a hard booger in my nose, and it makes it - I think it's going to make it bleed.
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Jessica : The first thing I'm going to do is poop.
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Jessica : [talking to Nick] Lea had dinner on the table and I had dinner in grocery sacks. I'm sorry.
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Jessica : [talking on the phone] Well, 23 is old! It's almost 25 which is almost mid-twenties.
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Jessica : [talking to Nick] I like your hairy ass. If you want me to lick it, I'll lick it.
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[Nick is trying to discuss his plans to decorate the house]
Jessica : You're such a girl. Why do you care? I'm going to do it.
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Jessica : We're going to have to re-wall our house.
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Jessica : Get fired up!