Comic Book: The Movie (2004 Video)

Mark Hamill: Donald Swan

Quotes 

• Donald Swan : When I sat through Pearl Harbor, I just loved that movie. But can you imagine if Ben Affleck was able to fly up, break the planes in half and dump the Japanese into the ocean?

• Donald Swan : There's something about you that I think not a lot of people know, and that is that you wanted to be a cartoonist.

  Hugh M. Hefner : That's true, yes.

  Ricky : You went the right way though, man. You did.

• Hugh M. Hefner : Because you grew up with this...

  [gestures with Commander book] 

  Hugh M. Hefner : ...you have problems with this.

  [gestures with Codename book] 

  Donald Swan : Well, if it were a separate thing, I don't care. But that it's based on this bothers me because I don't think these guys... this doesn't bother me.

  Hugh M. Hefner : It doesn't? Schoolteacher and his nephew. That doesn't bother you at all?

• Kevin Smith : The studio - they said they liked it, but they didn't like it. They kept pushing the giant spider in the third act. They wanted Commander Courage to fight a giant spider in the third act.

  Donald Swan : Literally?

  Kevin Smith : Literally! A giant spider. And I didn't get it at the time because I still lived in Jersey. Now I live in Los Angeles, I get it. Spider's a good idea. Wasn't then. But I was young... and straight.

• Donald Swan : Do you ever have to sell someone on an idea and they go, "Gee, I don't know..."

  Kevin Smith : Yes, there was this, um, this tranny hooker the other day. I was really trying to sell her on the idea of a three-way.

  Donald Swan : Tranny... what's a tranny?

  Kevin Smith : A tranny is... oh, Don.

• Taylor Donohue : 'Deflect', okay? That's your word.

  Donald Swan : Okay, 'deflect'. I don't know what it means, but I'm writing it down.

• [looking at a picture of a steam-engine train] 

  Donald Swan : Now, y'see, to me, that's a train. It looks like a train, it's old, it's~

  Ricky : I think to everyone that's a train, 'cause it is.

• Taylor Donohue : Uh, so, basically, you don't know anything about show business or anything. You're like a babe in the woods, is that right?

  Leo Matuzik : Like I said, I just wanna be honest with you - I don't know a lot of all this kind of stuff.

  Donald Swan : And just keep in mind, we don't know anything about sheet-metal work, so, you know, it all balances out.

  Leo Matuzik : You stand there for 30 years of your life grinding the same goddamn holes all day.

• Donald Swan : The Beatles or the Stones? The Munsters or the Addams Family? Betty or Veronica?

  Leo Matuzik : Betty. She was the one.

  Donald Swan : She's the one for you because she's not so complicated, she's not so needy. Some guys like the Veronicas 'cause they love the challenge, and they think she should be spanked.

• Donald Swan : By ignoring the Commander's past history, you're really missing out on a huge portion of people that like and acknowledge the old one and would come to see your new version.

  Taylor Donohue : [not listening]  Mm-hm.

  Donald Swan : That's what I want - just some acknowledgement. I mean, if you get a feeling for how the fans really are passionate in a way that you can't get in these focus groups, um, I think it might, you know, set the project on the right trajectory.

  Taylor Donohue : You... are verbiage. You are verbiage.

• Donald Swan : Hey, look! There's Superman!

  Taylor Donohue : I don't want to upset you, Don, but that's a guy in a Superman outfit.

  Donald Swan : Yeah, but it's a darn good one!

• Donald Swan : I couldn't bring myself to go to the signing. Not when he turned the character into some stupid acronym: Covert Operations Unit Reconnaissance And Guerilla Enforcement.

  [pause] 

  Donald Swan : Actually, that sounds kinda neat.

• Donald Swan : Please, I did this for you - all of us. I am you. I'm a fan, but I don't think I feel like a good one anymore. I've lied, deceived people. Leo. Leo down there. The grandson of the man we're honoring, and he's a wonderful man, but he's never read a comic book in his life. He's not one of us. And the movie people: I know they're just doing their jobs, but they don't care about us, either. They only care about our wallets. Commander Courage is about idealism. I mean, not just in his body, but his mind, his morals, his hopes for people less fortunate than him. You can believe that. You can go back to that part of your childhood... when everything was ahead of you, everything was new, candy tasted better, everything was possible. It's more than just a guy in a bodysuit with Uzis. It's more than a girl in skintight Spandex. I'm wearing this outfit, but I don't deserve... to wear the outfit. But you know what? These people don't even know what it means.

• Anita Levine : You know what? This documentary? You're fired.

  Taylor Donohue : You're fired.

  Anita Levine : You are fired.

  Taylor Donohue : You're fired.

  Donald Swan : [laughing]  You can't fire the human spirit.

  Anita Levine : Oh yes, I can.