Eulogy (2004)
Kelly Preston: Lucy Collins
Photos
Quotes
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Kate Collins : Hey, hey, hey! You guys! Could one of you *please* tell me one nice thing I can say about your dead father
Lucy Collins : [after a long pause] He often called me Andrea for no reason.
Daniel Collins : I was Barry.
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Alice Collins : [referring to Judy, Lucy's girlfriend] I really can't believe you brought her.
Lucy Collins : Hello, Alice.
Alice Collins : No, it's just, I thought you'd come alone. It's family.
Lucy Collins : Are you starting already?
Alice Collins : Oh, no, no, no. Its just it didn't occur to me to bring my sex toy. Did you bring any sex toys?
Lucy Collins : You wouldn't know a sex toy if it left a battery in your vagina.
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Kate Collins : I'm sorry about Grandpa.
Lucy Collins : Oh, Katie! Nobody blames you!
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Lucy Collins : [Alice is in the front seat reminiscing and laughing with Samantha, Lucy scornfully mocks her sister from the back seat] Oh, look at how silly and normal I can act when I'm not persecuting my sister!
[laughs insincerely to mock Alice]
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Daniel Collins : Hey, did we have a blackout last night?
Kate Collins : That's what I heard.
Skip Collins : Yeah, we sure did. I couldn't even find my room.
[Lucy smacks him with a newspaper]
Skip Collins : What?
Lucy Collins : You found my room all right.
Skip Collins : It was dark.
Lucy Collins : So you hid in my closet? With your *kids*?
Skip Collins : [shouts] We were lost!
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Lucy Collins : This is bullshit.
Judy : Luce...
Lucy Collins : No! I'm sorry, screw her!
Judy : Come on, Luce...
Lucy Collins : No! Don't! She has made a business out of persecuting me and I'm supposed to sit here, at my father's funeral, and watch her fuck-sing at Samantha?
[shouts]
Lucy Collins : Screw that!
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Lucy Collins : [Lucy and Judy enter the house]
[to Judy]
Lucy Collins : You remember Skip?
Judy : Yeah.
Lucy Collins : And the boys Tim and Jim, right?
Skip Collins : Yeah, close enough.
Judy : Hi guys, I'm uh, I'm Lucy's life partner.
Fred Collins : [Together with Ted] Lesbians.
Ted Collins : [Together with Fred] Lesbians.
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Lucy Collins : You wouldn't know a sex toy if it left a battery in your vagina.
Alice Collins : My vagina, as you are so whimsically about to refer to it, has served as sacred passage, for three anatomically correct children, so...
Fred Collins : Bad image.
Ted Collins : [hits head twice] Erase, erase.
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Doctor : We pumped your mother's stomach.
Alice Collins : Yeah, it was an accident.
Lucy Collins : How did she accidentally chug half a bottle of sleeping pills.
Alice Collins : [to the doctor] She was cleaning them up.
Lucy Collins : With her mouth?
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Lucy Collins : [Asking Doctor about suicidal mother] When can we take her home?
Doctor : Well just overnight then tomorrow I'll sign her out and you can take her home.
Alice Collins : Well, I think could you keep her. For another day just to be safe.
Lucy Collins : [to Alice] Oh. My. God.
Alice Collins : Bite me.
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Lucy Collins : What're you laughing at?
Ted Collins : I don't know.
Fred Collins : But I can't wait to find out what you two vageniuses are up to.
Judy : What did you just say?
Ted Collins : Lez vocab word!
Lucy Collins : [to Judy] What did he just call us?
Judy : Vageniuses.
Fred Collins : It's a compound compliment.