Club Dread (2004)
Kevin Heffernan: Lars
Photos
Quotes
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Hank : When you're all done with your little pink panty meltdown, let me know... 'cause I'd like to get down to business.
Coconut Pete : I thought it was time to bring in the pro.
Sam, The Fun Police : Hank?
Coconut Pete : Yes, Hank. The head of security on all my tours.
Jenny : So, what? He keeps aging hippies from stealing the bong out of your tour bus?
Coconut Pete : It just so happens that Hank used to be a federal agent. Yes, that's right. Headed an FBI task force on serial killers. Single-handedly caught the Minneapolis Mangler.
Lars : Who's the Minneapolis Mangler?
Hank : Exactly!
Dave : Pete, you are aware that I've personally served this guy 20 beers a day for the last 10 years, right?
Hank : [shows a nasty scar on his stomach] Hey, I was in Nicaragua, junior! When you can stuff your intestines back in your pockets and walk 20 klicks to an aid station after a knife fight with guerrilla drug lords, then you talk to me!
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Lars : [walks up behind Jenny, who is drinking some booze, and does a Tai-Chi move on her back] Hey, Jenny.
Jenny : [by sheer reflex, her mouth opens, and the drink in her mouth slobbers down her front] Oh!
Lars : Sorry.
Jenny : Give me a heads-up before you do that.
Lars : It's just a habit. I could see how tight you were from a mile away.
[Lars starts to drink]
Jenny : What can I say? Some girls are just tighter than others.
Lars : [by sheer reflex at what she said, he accidentally sprays out his mouthful of booze in her face] Sorry.
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Lars : Back off, fun pig! You wanna fun-fucking-arrest me? You better get a fun-fucking-warrant! Otherwise, stay outta my... fun-fucking-face!
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[after putting one of his patented massage moves on the killer]
Lars : He'll orgasm for another few minutes. Go!
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Lars : What happened to the Jacuzzi?