- Steve Choe: Are you happy?
- Ben Manibag: I don't know.
- Steve Choe: Fuck. That's the most truthful thing I've ever heard.
- Virgil Hu: Dude, do you know what I could do if I had my own place?
- Ben Manibag: What? Jerk off at the dinner table?
- Virgil Hu: What does he think he is? Some kind of Chinese movie star?
- [Imitating Han]
- Virgil Hu: "Hi, I'm Chow-Yun Fat. I'm sorry, I-I-I thought I was going to be fucking your girlfriend tonight. I guess I'd better just go home and stroke myself weally good. Weally weally good.
- [normal voice, as Ben and Han leave]
- Virgil Hu: Hey! Come on! I was just getting started!
- Ben Manibag: Do you ever wonder about your real parents?
- Stephanie Vandergosh: The parents I have now are my real parents.
- Stephanie Vandergosh: You know how you make decisions that lead to other decisions but you don't remember why you made those decisions in the first place.
- Ben Manibag: Virgil called Han over to watch some new porn, I guess Virgil just didn't have the balls to do it all alone.
- Steve Choe: You like Steph.
- Ben Manibag: What?
- Steve Choe: You want to take her to the winter formal?
- Ben Manibag: Isn't that your job?
- Steve Choe: I don't get into all that bullshit.
- Ben Manibag: Why? You a fag or something?
- Steve Choe: What do you think?
- Virgil Hu: Oh dude, did I tell you? I got it.
- Ben Manibag: Got what?
- Virgil Hu: Remember how I told you I once saw Stephanie Vandergosh in a porn? Well I got it.
- Ben Manibag: Shut the fuck up.
- Virgil Hu: I'll show you right now fool!
- Virgil Hu, Ben Manibag: [Both Laugh]
- Ben Manibag: I shoot 215 free throws a day. My goal is to beat Calvin Murphy's record of 95.8%. Thats 207 baskets.