Memorable quotes for
Big Fat Liar (2002) More at IMDbPro »

Jason Sheperd: Remember me? I wrote "Big Fat Liar".

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Tow truck driver: They told me to pick up a little blue car. They didn't say anything about a little blue man!
[laughs]

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Grandma Pearl: Who's there? I got a gun!
Brett: [attempting to be Kaylee, but fails] It's just Kaylee, Grandma.
Grandma Pearl: Kaylee? You can't be Kaylee. My, you've gotten so tall, and muscular.

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Kaylee: I wanna see a broken man people. I mean broken as in 'I hit a baseball through the window' broken. I want you to turn him into mince meat, and I don't even know what mince meat is! I want him to cry for his mommy! Wah!, Wah! mommy, mommy, mommy! Do you read me 'cause I don't think you read me?

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Monty Kirkham: Good Morning. Marty Wolf Pictures. This is Monty.
Kaylee: Monty! Charisma from Marcus Duncan's office. I'm temping for a second assistant. I am so psyched your there, cookie. So I was watching "Charmed" on the WB last night and just as Alyssa Milano was about to put a spell on her cute demon boyfriend I had the biggest panic attack that I forgot to give you Duncan's new address!
Monty Kirkham: Really, I didn't know he moved. That was quick.
Kaylee: Oh Yeah, in a big way! He bought like THE sickest pad in the 90210. I'm talking mondo bucks! Hahaha! Anywho, tell Mr. Wolf Duncan lives at 867 North Maple Drive. Hahaha!
Monty Kirkham: Thanks, got it.

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Astrid Barker: I'm coming, ok? Keep breathing! Think of a happy place!

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[Talking to Jason]
Darren: Peace out little 'G'
[Driving away]
Darren: Boo ya!

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Marty Wolf: You can take your personal day in a year or two when you're dead!

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Marty Wolf: Okay, listen up. This is where you went wrong. You should've forged a doctor's note, changed your dad to your sister, and the meatball to a chicken leg. Trust me, it's much easier to swallow if you GMD which means get my drift.

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Mrs. Phyllis Caldwell: You have two choices: summer school or... summer school.

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Jason Sheperd: Mrs. Caldwell... Can I call you Phyllis?
Mrs. Phyllis Caldwell: No.

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Kaylee: What's with the Cokes?
Jason Sheperd: The machine! It's rigged! They're free! Haha, they're free!

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Harry Shepherd: Jason, you awake?
Jason Sheperd: Yeah, Dad, been up for hours. Just getting dressed.
Harry Shepherd: Did you finish that paper for English class?
Jason Sheperd: Yeah, Dad, did it last night.
Carol Shepherd: Jas, did you eat your oatmeal.
Jason Sheperd: Yeah, thanks Mom, it was delicious.
[takes the plate and gives it to his dog under the table]
Jason Sheperd: Here you go, Trooper.

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Jason Sheperd: As much as I wanted to write my paper, I mean I really really wanted to write my paper I couldn't and it's because I spent all last night in Greenbury General Emergancy room. See, my mom made Swedish meatballs for dinner. It'd my dad's favorite and he was so excited he accidently swallowed one whole. It was awful. He started choking, his face turned purple.The meatball was litterly bulging out of his neck. We rushed to the ER. I kept trying to write my paper in the waiting room but it was too hard. I needed to be by my father's side. After all he's the only dad I got.
Mrs. Phyllis Caldwell: You are lying through your teeth, you little demon.

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Marty Wolf: You can take it from me, the truth, it's overated.

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Jaleel White: Wolf, how many times have I told you not to call me Urkel! My name is Jaleel White. Urkel was a charecter I played when I was a child.

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Frank Jackson: [Frank has busted Kaylee and Jason] I got some R-rated dialogue, but I'm gonna keep it PG. I'm gonna keep it PG!

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Dustin 'Dusty' Wong: I told you, Wolf. The only way to shoot this scene is from 12 different camera angles, with birds flying around. By the by, Confucius say, "Kastang! You're busted!" Rock and Roll, Baby!

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Marty Wolf: [speaking to Vince about the stunt] It was good, but I think I liked it better the first time I saw it... in 1942, you dinosaur!

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Kaylee: [trying to explain The Catcher in the Rye to Bret] He's not literally a catcher eating rye bread, it's more of a metaphor for a state of adolescent angst.

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Tow truck driver: They told me to pick up a little blue car. They didn't say anything about a little blue man.

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Marty Wolf: Wouldn't it be a problem since the headset is superglued to your ear!

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Marty Wolf: [in the car, out in the middle of nowhere] Where are you taking me?
Jaleel White: I already told you, I know a shortcut!
Marty Wolf: In the *desert*? Stop this car, I'm getting out!
Jaleel White: It's your call, baby. Do what you gotta do

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