Laughter on the 23rd Floor (2001 TV Movie)

Mark Linn-Baker: Val Skotsky

Quotes 

• [Re: Max's health] 

  Val : God forgive me for saying this word: Nervous breakdown!

  Milt : That's two words. God will never forgive you!

• Val : If you're a Jew, you end up in the desert no matter what.

• Val : Max has been very paranoid lately. Has anyone noticed?

  Brian : Isn't it impolite to watch someone being paranoid?

• [With a thick Russian accent] 

  Val : Go feck yourself.

  Milt : There's no such word as feck. A person cannot go feck themselves. You cannot be an American citizen until you learn to say "Go fuck yourself."

  Val : Kiss my Naturalization papers.

• Val : My dog dreams funnier than you.

  Milt : My dog can say, "Fucking pumpernickel."

• Carol : Since when has anyone here noticed I'm a woman?

  Val : I noticed it when you first came to work here. You never used the men's john.

• Brian : The game is funny names.

  Ira : You against me? Where's the challenge? You can have all the other writers.

  Carol : Why do I want children? Look what they become.

  Val : All right. Let's get this over with. What's the bet?

  Writers : Shoes! We're playing for shoes. They take off their shoes My seventy dollar aligators against his worn out Irish cop shoes after 5 St. Patrick's Day parades.

  Val : Brian: Up the Irish Crosses Himself Ira: Screw the Pharoah Val:Aaaaaand... Go!

  Brian : Rabbi John Wayne.

  Writers : Eh.

  Ira : The Count of Monte through Friday.

  Writers : Oooh!

  Brian : Ira Chuvney.

  Ira : Ira Chuvney. That's my name. What's funny about that.

  Brian : Nothing. NOTHING IS FUNNY ABOUT IRA CHUVNEY!

  Writers : Applaud

• [About Max] 

  Brian : He called me last night. Said something about we're going to war again.

  Val : With the Japanese?

  Brian : I don't know, depends on how Japanese NBC is.

• Val : You think it's funny that Max called me at 12 AM midnight?

  Milt : Only when you say it.